Wednesday, January 05, 2011

Forget you

By Cee Lo Green. The actual song title isnt as clean & sanitized, but you get the idea.

One thing I've learned from surgery & its recovery is that life is a precious gift, one that I've been squandering for a very long time. I've spent too much time on things that don't matter & not paying attention to things that do.

So, I am beginning to cut out people, places and things from my life that don't jazz me or fill me with dread when I deal with it or them. That's not to say this won't be painful,.because any major change comes with growing pains.

For a very long time I was very passive agressive, and where I wasn't happy about it, I lived my life that way because it made others happy. Well, it didn't make ME happy. And I was trying to figure out why I wasn't getting anything out of my yoga & meditation practice. Deep down inside I wasn't at peace, so I couldn't find my bliss and nirvana in anything else. Certain asanas give me more struggle than others, and now I understand why. It's not that I couldn't do it, its the fact that my energy has been blocked.

I have dropped 2 clothing sizes since surgery. I have lost about 25 lbs as well, all without really trying. It's another sign of shedding my old self, like a snake shedding skin.

I dodged a pretty big bullet when the pathology showed I did not have cancer. By all means it should have been that way. But God had different plans for me and for that Im grateful.

It came to me lying in my hospital bed that I realized what a close call I had.

I also resolved to lead a more authentic life.

Ive taken babysteps toward that. I have said things that needed to be said, things that I had held in for far too long. In yoga terms, I had blocked energy. I have gotten rid of clothes that did not make me happy. I was eating foods I didn't enjoy and didn't nourish me.

All my chakras were totally blocked.

Now I am realizing how much time & energy I have wasted on things that haven't mattered. What truly matters is the fact that I have a pretty amazing family. My mother in law gave up her life for a month, including Christmas, to help take care of me (& the boys) while I recovered. Then there are my boys who took care of me too. I also have some pretty awesome friends who have given me comfort & joy. I've spent more time with the princess, which has been cool too.

But most of all, I've spent a lot of time with me.

That has helped me eliminate all the negative junk in my life.

So if you are something I've eliminated, sorry. Please don't take it personal, but you weren't doing anything special for me anymore (if ever) and i really don't have time for you anymore.

Life is too short to wear ugly clothes, eat bad food or be miserable all the time.

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