i hate myself for loving you

There's a topic trending on Twitter today: stop self hate. It should be a no brainer, " duh, why do you hate yourself?"
But many women (& men) do.
I know I am guilty of it.
This self hatred has lead to insane diets, which is an eating disorder. I'd binge, starve, compulsively count calories, whatever. All done in order to have the "perfect" body, which of course I'd never achieve. So, I'd be mad at myself for.not looking a particular way.
Most models are.stick thin, tall and devoid of.curves. I am the oping hour glass figure. Bosite. I'm average height; and curvey. Big time. I've.got this amazing body that has never looked so good as it has recently. It's probably because I have accepted me for me, flaws & all.
It's a shame it took a cancer scare to get my life on track.

I wasted a good chunk of time not being happy with myself. I would look in the mirror & would see flaws. I never saw myself as pretty. It didn't help that I chose to surround myself with those who were unhappy about their own lives. Therefore, all my negative beliefs-& a few new ones-were reinforced. It's amazing to think that I achieved career success during that time because I thought so little of me.
Actually, I was still in awe of the fact the big Man fell in love with me since I was so flawed. Obviously there's something there because we've been together for 18 years. I mean, I remember thinking that how could he be into me, & I rattled off a list of my supposed flaws. That's downgrading him!

I can beat myself up over time, money & energy wasted, but whats done is done. Let iit be.
Instead, going forward, I will work on being more positive. It's hard to erase 40 or so years of negative self talk. It's hard to erase all the stuff ive done to me, all because I wasn't happy with who I am.
It took a brutal surgery, the fear my life was over & all that to get it together. Honestly, it all fell into place last night. Ive been making progress since December, but there was this moment of total clarity. My son told me I was perfect, and he started to liwt his flaws. Uh no sweetie, you have none-you are 8. But I've been a poor example for him. I want him to eat right & exercise & read so I model those behaviors. Of course he will pick up on the others too!

I'm not perfect, and 40 years of negative thinking won't change overnight, but I'm on my way.