It's palm Sunday in my faith. I am still recovering from the great Easter egg hunt I coordinated yesterday. I had put it on a local events website & we had over 100 people show up!
What a great problem to have. Sometimes G-d does answer prayer.
I have been struggling with my faith. I had reached a peak in my 20's where I did spend a considerable amount of time with G-d. I did spend a lot of time in prayer. I found G-d where I went, and really had experienced namaste (the light in me recognizes the light in you).
I must fully disclose that I was single, and didn't have as many responsiblities as I do today.
Lately, my spiritual practices are pretty non existent. I don't pray like I used to, and I feel like another lent flew by without me deepening my relationship with the Lord. So, it saddens me, of course.
I have tried, with fair to middling success, to kickstart it. Post surgery, when i had plenty of time for navel gazing, I felt that spiritual euphoria come back. It felt good, and I was at peace and truly content.
It's just life gets in the way. I don't have the time to spend in prayer like I used to. I have a life & responsiblilties that need to be taken care of. It's hard to balance it all out.
Add to it, I'm the only one in my family that feels the spiritual pull. The big man isn't churchy plus he belongs to a different denomination than I do with no reconciliation there. As a result, I go to church alone. My son thinks since daddy is home, he should stay with him. Neither one takes saying grace at dinner overly seriously. And forget ever doing a family devotion!
So, I have to put aside all the spiritual dreams I had for my family & accept what I have for what it is. Yes, it is painful when I go to church, alone. It stinks that my own son won't go to the church activities I plan & run because he wants to stay in jammies. I do get jealous that other families worship together.
But I need to put all that aside, & just be. I need to accept what I currently have & be grateful.
I let those feelings cause me to be separate from G-d. Jewish tradition does not have a concept of Hell. Instead, how far you are from G-d determines your eternity. The further you are away, the more difficult your eternity will be. No fires of eternal damnation; just distance from our Father.
We can have either heaven it Hell here on earth. It's how close or far we are from Him.
Right now I'm feeling a million miles away.
Women of God can never be like women of the world. The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity. Margaret D. Nadauld
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