Monday, July 18, 2011

Wasted on the way

I've spent a chunk of my life not being satisfied with who I am. It's this constant irritation, like an itchy sweater or a tag in the back of your shirt. It's like I've been telling God that He made a mistake with his creation for a very long time.
A lot of it goes back to childhood, when others were displeased with me. I think just my curiosity and inquisitive nature probably drove my family crazy, which was behind their reasoning to tell me that they wished I was like so and so. The problem was, I was pretty darn happy being me, and I knew being like this other person wasn't being my best.
Believe me, I've tried.
Dressing a certain way to fit in with a clique.
Listening to bands because this group liked them.
And the list goes on.
During all that, I wasn't happy. I guess it all boils down to what matters most: making someone else happy or to thine own self be true.
It's only recently on my journey that I have decided on the latter. I was made to be me, not anyone else. I would do a lousy job at being Suzy or Melissa or anyone else, as they would make a horrible me. I have been granted a very specific set of gifts,  and that's what makes me, well me.
Someone with a greater plan made me who I am, the way I am for a reason. To live my life trying to be somebody else is discounting that plan and not being the best me. It's meddling through my life and times not seeing all the beauty around me, beauty that's wasted on the way.

2 comments:

Richella said...

I've spent a lot of my life trying to be like someone else, too. What a waste, huh? Yet it's so easy to feel that this is what we're supposed to do.

Now I'm trusting that God will restore to me "the years the locusts have eaten"--for me, years spent not being the person He created me to be!

Meghan's Maga said...

To thine own self be true had been my motto/favorite secular quote since my mother gave me that advice years ago.
I never felt I had to prove anything to any one. Still don't. I worked in positions where I felt I would help people. Last being in the Developmental Disabilities field. The pay was terrible, but the thought that I was where God wanted me to be was what kept me going. Now that I have retired, my Soc Sec. is dreadful, but I wouldn't change what I did for anything. I stayed home with my daughter until she was 15 when circumstances forced a change there. Now I am primary caregiver for the most wonderful grand daughter. Autism, CP, MR, non-verbal, seizures, etc. This precious child(15)is the absolute love of my life and I thank God for her every day. God has been very good to me (with a few glitches of my own doing along the way)