Right now, a lot of days I am drained and exhausted from putting out fires every day. I am just spent. Despite my best efforts to recharge my batteries, I just cant.
The rest and restoration I desperately need just isn't there. I feel like I'm constantly walking on egg shells trying to keep the delicate balance in my home and life. There is that gnawing pit in my stomach with waves of nausea that something is going to go wrong.
When you adopt a child, especially one who's been in foster care, there is no guarantee that things will be perfect. No guarantee that you will mesh together as a family. You don't get that with a biological family either, but there are fewer variables.
It's only recently that I stopped worrying about the little man constantly. I no longer hold my breath when the phone rings, wondering if he had a bad day or not.
Everyday I find another fire to be put out. Sometimes it's a raging inferno, other times it's just a smoldering pile. I'm not trained as a firefighter.
Somedays I don't know what I'm doing. Heck, it's most days...
I cherish the time with my family, but there are some days I need a break too.
I just need a day to recharge and relax. A day for me, to just be...and put out my own fires.
2 comments:
The hardest part of being a parent is how hard it is to get a day off. If you have family locally who will take the kids, it's a lot easier, but I never did.
Great use of three words. I hope you'll check out my attempt.
Parenting is a hard being a good parent is even harder know that you are being the best you can be and give yourself that needed break. you are an incredible person and your kids know that someday you'll hear that from them and every single second of stress will be worth it.
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