Uprising

Currently I have a battle going on between my head and the rest of me. My head is telling me to get off the chair and go workout. My body is telling me sitting on the recliner and not doing anything is a-ok.
There is a lot of disconnect going on for me, and I'm at maximum frustration level. I see myself in my mind one way, but reality is very different. I see myself as fit, looking great in my clothes, eating healthy foods and working out like crazy.
Reality: not so much. I slump and slouch. I'm dealing with the lack of abdominal strength that's giving me a paunch. My body has rebelled against me.
Mind: I plan these fantastic meals that are super healthy and packed full of nutrients. I don't drink soda and eat junk food.
Reality: my family won't eat what I've got planned. I wind up chugging caffeine and eating popcorn at work to get through the day.
Mind: I am a workout machine. I get out of bed and totally bring it each and every day. I love how it makes me feel and how strong I'm getting.
Reality: I start my workout but I struggle because I'm not sure what to do when. I have a binder with pages torn out of Shape and Women's Health magazines, but I haven't been able to put it all together.
Mind: I've got it going on. I look good, my son is awesome, my house is clean and organized and I'm super successful.
Reality: partially true. I've had a ton of personal success lately, and my son is awesome. The house, well it could look better, apparently there's a lot of dust on light fixtures and ceiling fans. But for the most part, my house is clean-but disorganized. It's a struggle for me, and that struggle is going on with my son now.
Mind: I'm a total rockstar. I'm being asked to be involved with different organizations and my accomplishments are being recognized.
Reality: this actually is pretty true.
Mind: I plan fun, exciting things for my family to do.
Reality: I plan, then reality sets in, and a lot of times I have to remind myself to not take it personal.
I guess every so often my self confidence takes a nose dive, and right now I'm in that cycle. It doesn't help that I'm struggling with being my biggest ever, not quite sure how I wound up like this. I just feel awkward. The fact that im highly capable and organized in my professional life is proof that I can do it all (and do it well).
It's that disconnect between my head and the rest of me.
To quote the late, great Met Tug McGraw, "You gotta believe".
I need to silence the negativity in my life. Stand up for myself and stop worrying all the time about others. I need to focus on treating myself the same way I treat others: with love, respect and dignity.
It's time for an uprising in my soul.