Saturday, December 22, 2007

Playing Catch Up

Its been a very long time since I've posted. I've been meaning to, but just never get around to it, since life gets in the way it seems.
I went back to work full time and I am loving it. Its good for the whole family I think. Saber has the security of knowing when I work-its not always up in the air. Rob knows that I am making more money, which is always a good thing. I have peace in knowing what I am doing and when. I can get my head around things again. I thought I would like a flexible schedule, and in the beginning I did, but it got old fast. I like the way things are now. Its good for all of us.
I am trying to get my life back on track, but its been difficult. I am playing catch up with so many different aspects of my life. Working out and losing weight. I am in onederland now, which is quite an accomplishment, but I'd like to be doing more. The house is coming together, but there is so much more that I could be doing. I just am not motivated right now. I am burned out from the whole job search/holiday season/emotional bs that comes with this time of year. I usually am the Christmas queen but I wasn't really feeling it this year. I just couldn't get it together it seems. Part of it is my ability to overperfect things to the point of being paralyzed. And that is exactly where I am. Plus it seems people in my life were throwing up roadblocks at every twist and turn. Christmas shopping, photos, etc. were a low priority. I usually have my cards out in the beginning of December. This year, I am still struggling to get them out. Things are unwrapped, undecorated, undone. And I am feeling guilty.
I keep thinking that I am going to have a good Advent season, and each year I try to make it that way. Instead, I rush through the season and don't enjoy it. But next year I will.
I am going to be ready. I promise.
This year I didn't bake, didn't do the holiday grand plan, didn't do what I usually do to keep sanity in my life. Instead, I just wandered aimlessly throughout the whole season and got nothing accomplished. I haven't been eating well, and that's affecting all that I do. Drinking soda instead of water. Not exercising. Feeling sluggish. Angry all the time. And the worst part is I can't put my finger on why I am angry all the time. Is it because I can't get things together? That other people are frustrating me? Just this whole overwhelming feeling?
But things are getting better. I have a new job that really suits me. I am doing well with it too. I feel good about everything in my life right now, and it can only get better.

No comments: