In the Blink of an Eye

Today is Maundy Thursday, the start of the Easter Triudium. It is the retelling of the Last Supper. Its a liturgy I thoroughly enjoy, but I probably won't be attending this year. Its a long service, and the little man probably won't tolerate. Besides that, I have a work related function after work today (for the employee giving campaign from the foundation). Big Man (sort of) jokingly asked me if I planned on being home at all this week. I know I'm busy.
Last night, I felt very frustrated. I wanted to just sit down and relax for a little bit after youth group. Instead, I launched into the little man taking a bath and doing homework. Meanwhile, I tried to tidy up and get some laundry done. I feel like I am fighting a losing battle here. I so desperately want things to get organized and feel neat & tidy. Its this intellectual thing-I know what I need to do every day to lead my best life, but its not getting done. There's some sort of blockage from brain to body to implement things. Its incredibly frustrating. I need the rest of the family to buy into this too, and I don't see that happening in the near future. I try to get the little man to pick up his toys and dirty laundry and some days I am more successful than others. Other times, you would think I was asking him to club a baby seal with the reaction I get.
I try to keep up with things, and it just seems that the more I tidy up, the more things multiply.
I have a four day weekend coming up, and I do have some stuff planned. I want to spend some time organizing my craft supplies and getting that together. I've been living with things just thrown on a shelving unit to get the room going, but I am very frustrated and can't take it anymore. That's usually when I blow and I get stuff done. I am ready to blow.
I do have a lot of great organizational skills, and I can get a lot done in one day. It just seems that lately I am not being efficient or motivated or disciplined. Its a series of peaks and valleys, and I seem to be at a midpoint between the mountain top and valley floor. This past week, I've been a real slacker and its hurt things around my house (and me!)
Basically, I need to just start over today. I have to stop waiting for others to join my parade, and stop waiting for the seal of approval. I am almost 40 and perfectly capable of making decisions for myself. Driving home from youth group last night, I had a bit of an epiphany in the car. I sell myself short on a regular basis. Its not being humble or modest, its false humility. I don't have to wait for someone else to approve of what I am doing to do it and I can make my own decisions. I also have to stop trying to be a ringmaster and control things.
I am having a hard time controlling myself, let alone anyone or anything else.
So, I need to start over-again. I am not going to hit the treadmill or work out. I did decide on it when I rolled out of bed, mainly due to my allergy induced wheezing. I have a house to tidy up before we leave this morning. Laundry to put away. A few other little things.
Tomorrow, is a brand new day and I need to get this party started. I am tired of pendulum swings in my life. I am tired of not doing what I need to do, for some silly reason or another. I need to (and enjoy it too)work out every day. It gives me the extra energy I need to get my day started and keep going. I need to eat healthier-another thing I actually enjoy, but I seem to not take care of myself that way either (including taking my vitamins consistently).
Now I'm done whining. I need to put on my big girl panties and deal with the mess that I've made in my own house. This too shall pass, and life will go back to humming along in the blink of an eye.