Overdrive

This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice (that its Friday) and be glad. I am tired today. I have been in overdrive lately, working desperately hard to keep up with housework, laundry, and life and I feel like I walking on a tightrope. Maybe its just me, but I feel like I am not succeeding with it. It just seems like there is so much tension in my life-from the tightness in my neck and upper back to the air that I breathe, and I am not enjoying that.
I don't think any of this will change, because my life is going to remain crazy and I don't see it slowing down anytime soon. I actually am going to have to add some stuff to my life-like walking the puppy dog. My laziness is not fair to him, and I don't want him to have any issues because I park myself on the couch. What I would love, love, love is if we did it as a family after dinner but I think I have a better chance of winning the lottery than that happening.
There are a lot of things that I wish would improve or change in my life, and while I am making progress towards it, the progress isn't fast enough. I am a consumate type A personality, and I want to see a difference now dang it! I want to have lost the weight and toned up. I want to have my house in order, and the freezer fed etc. I want to be able to putter in the garden and have that going.
Part of my biggest issue is I have a hard time waiting for someone else to do whatever. Its where I have failure on various committees-because I feel that so & so needs to do more. I remember as a kid having to do a project with someone else, and I always wound up with the biggest slacker (I think that maybe God was trying to teach me something in moments like this)and I had to carry most of the weight. It would frustrate me and irritate me to no end and I would basically want to blow a gasket. Some things have not changed in my world. I want things done NOW, and I don't like to wait.
Its hard for me to be dependent on others, because in my life experience, if you are dependent on someone you will be let down. I also have had to constantly prove myself over and over and over. I don't know if its because that's just a personality flaw, or if it really is true. Even at home, I feel like I have to keep proving myself, that I truly am worthy of these blessings.
Speaking of home life, my little man & I have fallen into an awesome groove at bedtime now. We go through our checklist, and get things done. Cleaning up his room and the family room no longer require tears or yelling. I know that my version of clean & the big man's are a little different, but it works for me. The stuff is off the floor, and it doesn't look like total crap. I mentioned that the other day that the little man & I cleaned the family room, and he then mentioned what we didn't do in there. Ouch, but he's right I didn't dust or use furniture polish. However, in my defense, I did remind him picking up a rag and furniture polish wouldn't be bad for him either. Touche.
I am just really loving the fact that I don't have to yell, beg, plead, etc. at bedtime for the most part. I still have some insecurities about my mothering abilities, that I am not doing a good enough job, but I think that my son is not incredibly traumatized yet. I am enjoying being with him, playing with him and even just talking to him. However, I can live without his latest obession, burping. But I've been told by friends that its normal 7 year old boy behavior. I love to do things with him and just be. I am so blessed to be his mommy, and I am loving it so much every minute with him. Just not so much with the burping constantly. You know its gone too far when he burps his prayers and burps I love you.
That being said, I do also wish for some time alone with the big man. I would love for us to go out on a date-I don't care if its to go for coffee, but just even an hour together to just be would make me happy. I'm not asking for dinner and a movie (or bowling-I want to do that as a family). Heck I'd settle on sitting on the deck, looking at the stars. But this is where my type A-ness can cause problems, because just because I want something doesn't mean its going to happen. Not everyone agrees with my line of thinking. I guess I shouldn't be asking friends for advice on things because it usually causes me some discomfort. Discomfort that I am living up to that standard or what not.
I remember talking to the wife of a client and she said that she loved saying the rosary every night with her husband. I felt a twinge of jealousy, because I don't have something like that in my life. I talked to another friend, and she and her family went hiking together last weekend. Once again, I felt a little jealous. Another was talking about date night plans for this weekend. It rather threw me off balance, because there are things that I want to do, but they don't get done. So, I have two options-I can suck it up and deal, and just forget about it or I can make things happen for myself. Either way, I need to stop whining because its not an attractive personality trait.
I guess the type A side of me is not always an attractive trait either, but it does allow me to get a lot of stuff done in my day. Being in overdrive has its perks.