Pork & Beans

Its Tuesday, which means I've made it through Monday. That's a bonus.
I get installed as PTO president tonight, which is very exciting. I've had so much good in my life lately, and that makes for a better world on many levels. I've also been frustrated and angry with myself a lot lately, which then in turn spreads like a fungus to the rest of my family.
A lot of my frustration comes from a semse of not being all I can be. I know that I can be so much more...yet I don't do what will make my life better, but I guess I need to take baby steps. I got my scrapbooking caught up, my house is relatively tidy(I wouldn't say clean, because there's a lot more that needs to be done) and I am keeping up with daily chores. I've got it going on for the most part, and that adds to my confidence level.
Next Monday, Softball starts. Its pretty awesome because some of my kids from the youth group are on the team and as Youth Director, its being positive and a role model. Plus, I love playing softball. And I'm pretty good at it too. Its good for the little man to see me doing this as well, because I'm being active on another level. Speaking of little man and activity, I signed him up for gymnastics, which starts at the end of the month. I think he'll be awesome at it, and we have the summer to try something new. I also want him to take swimming lessons, which are offered by the town parks & rec department. Its more to get him used to the water than anything else, although he has that wiry athletic build that could allow him to be a great swimmer.
I've got this really optomistic outlook on life right now, which makes me even happier. However, being around some others that I am around are not so happy all the time and it drives me batty. There are so many blessings in life-just being upright and breathing is one of them-that complaining and being miserable does not do anything to enhance life. I seem to really attract these Debbie Downers too. Its like they only know how to whine and complain. And its very annoying. I get to spend my working hours surrounded by them, which frustrates me to no end. One even went as far as to call me perky last week. In a very snide, not so nice way. Personally, I think that she's jealous because she can't find anything positive in life. One thing that I pride myself on is being able to balance my life. I have a lot going on and I am still able to balance things out-family, home, work, church, school-and keep my sanity.
Its the rest of my family that has sanity issues...
In all actuality, there are some cracks in the foundation. I do struggle with keeping up with the house. Its hard, because I feel like I am constantly sweeping up behind others. I am trying very, very hard to teach the little man to pick up after himself, but the big man isn't consistent about picking up after himself-and I don't always do it either. I feel like I am on one day and struggling the next. I also feel responsible for things that I really am not responsible for. I also have to learn to relax more. Not take things so seriously all the time, to loosen up and fun. I used to have a lot more fun than I have been doing lately.
Part of it is feeling overly responsible for things. I am only responsible for me, and my little guy too since he's a little person. I can't control the big man and his repsonse to things. I can't make him love me or even like me. I can't control him and make him do things, or be something he's not. I can't resent that he's who he is. I can't force him to be something he's not. And the converse is true too. He can't make me be someone who I'm not. Its just letting go of this that relieves some of the burden for me. We haven't always been on the same page lately, but I think we are on the way back to it. After 17+ years of being around one another, its a miracle that we are still talking, let alone wanting to be together. I count myself lucky that I found a good guy.