Wannabe

Its the end of Memorial Day weekend, and back to reality in the AM.
I did not accomplish all that I wanted to this weekend, but the house is in good shape. I got the garden weeded, and the big man weedwacked the jungle that was growing by the fence. I put down grass clippings as a mulch/fertilizer/weed preventer so I am excited to see how this is going to work out. I have irises and peonies that are getting ready to bloom, and its exciting to see how it all bloom.
Tomorrow is the start of the 30 day challenge. Its a challenge to exercise for 30 minutes a day for 30 days. I am excited about this opportunity to get back on track with working out. I really haven't since I ran my 5k in the beginning of May. That's almost a month. Ugh.
There was a Hoarders marathon on A&E this evening. Once again, I feel convicted about some of my lifestyle choices. I have a lot of stuff. A lot of unnecessary stuff, and I am slowly weeding through it. There are a lot of levels to this. On one level the stuff represents a wannabe lifestyle. Its consumerism at its best. If I buy x, then I can aspire to a certain type of personality. Then there is the issue of craft supplies. I admit to hoarding them. I buy them in the hopes of doing a project, but then the project doesn't get done. And there the supplies sit. I don't finish a lot of projects, and I keep buying more stuff. Its all very disorganized too, and I struggle with keeping it sensible.
Especially when I've planned out a certain project in my mind and if it doesn't start turning out the way I envisioned it. I get frustrated and then I wind up putting it by the way and never finish it. Finishing projects are hard for me, because its like the end of a relationship. I guess that sounds a little crazy now that I've written it. But it is how I feel-except if I am making a gift for someone.
The other issue I have to a certain extent is food...which also sounds crazy. I buy something because I plan on making some sort of gourmet meal, and then it doesn't get used. So, because its part of some kind of intricate meal, it rather rots in the pantry.
I am not Martha Stewart, and I can never be. I don't have stylists and assistants to take care of life for me.
The other observation I made was that most of these hoarders were overweight. So, here's the chicken or the egg question. Are they overweight because they are hoarding food that way or are they hoarding because they were overweight? I think some of it has to do with building a wall from others. They don't want to develop relationships, so they build a wall with junk and food. Basically, its the whole junior high mentality-no one expects much from the fat girl...(and at least according to this show, most of these hoarders are female)
So...where does this leave me? Another hefty bag of junk from my closet, where I am finally admitting that certain clothing purchases were mistakes, and moving on from there. Got rid of a bunch of shoes too, since I never wore them in the first place and they were taking up valuable real estate.
My next project will be culling some of the scrapbook supplies I've accumulated. I've got a few sets of things that came with different papers, etc. that I will never use. Yet, I am hanging onto them because...I couldn't tell you. So out they will go. Along with some other stuff too, because I am tired of looking at it. I need to get over the whole I can't believe I spent this much money on stuff that I am now just throwing away (actually donating, but that's besides the point). The other big project I need to tackle for my own sanity is the piles of paperwork I've got going on-PTO, church, family stuff-and I am tired of not being able to find things when I need them.
I'm back on the right track and making forward progress. I have a lot of folks who are my cheerleaders and are supporting me. I know with the love, prayer and support I can make it around the bend and be successful. Then I can move from being a wannabe to reality.