Ball of Confusion

Its Tuesday and Blogger was not working yesterday. I had withdrawal symptoms. Right now, my free time seems to be surrounded by Vacation Bible School planning. I am tired. I won't lie about it. I need to get a handle on my life right now, and it just seems like its not really happening.
I feel very disorganized. I went grocery shopping the other day, and it seems like I really didn't buy anything that would make a meal. So, I am back to square one on meals. Not sure what we're having for dinner tonight. There is a ton of laundry to put away, and still even more to do. I haven't stepped foot on the treadmill in days and I ate junk yesterday. They say confession is good for the soul, so here it is folks. My house is a mess, and I am losing control over everything else in my house. But I think there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
And I don't think its an uncoming train.
Basically, my biggest issue is the fact that I make excuses and I almost find ways to self sabotage.
And I really need to get over it.
I've been reading the Scary Mommy blog lately (its always good for a laugh) and yesterday's topic was confessions of a bad mother. It did cheer me up big time.
Today is a fresh start. I plan on getting over all my woe is me attitude, and just doing what I need to be productive and happy.
What I really need to do is get some sleep. Blissful, uninterrupted sleep.
And I need to do things during the day to make that possible. The biggest thing is I really need to work out during the day. When you work out it raises endorphin levels (the runner's high) and it does all sorts of nifty things. I know for myself, it does lots of good things, and it makes me feel awesome. What you eat during the day makes a difference too. If you eat a lot of junk, you're not fueling your machine the right way, and you are going to have issues. I know I do, and its everything from being thirsty (eating too much salt, not drinking enough water), revved up (too much caffeine) to tummy trouble (way too many options).
At 40, I no longer have the luxury of rebounding from a food hangover. I can't just get over the bad food choices the way that I used to.
So today, I need to get my butt on the treadmill and get moving. I need to put laundry away and do my morning chores (empty the dishwasher, swish & swipe bathrooms, tidy up a little bit) and get us out of the house in a reasonable manner.
I do have a confession to make though. I would love to have an elliptical. I really like the movement & all and it gives me a different kind of workout. I have wanted one for a very long time (probably about 7 or 8 years). Don't get me wrong, I like the treadmill, but I have to admit that I am bored by it. After using it for the last 7 years, its a little like been there, done that. Once in a while, I need some variety. When I belonged to a gym, there were different options and opportunities between classes and equipment, and there wasn't a chance to get bored. But I don't belong to one anymore-and its due more to a time crunch than anything else. I don't have the time really to go to a gym and be an effective mother.
It would be another thing taking me away from my family, and that's not cool.
But me not being healthy is ineffective as well. I have scheduled my workouts on my blackberry, its just a matter of going and doing it.
That's a mental block more than anything else. And I am really tired of putting up boundaries and road blocks in my life.
I need to ask myself the difficult question with each choice-is this truly going to make my life better? Or is it going to limit it?
And I also need to let go of the control I've been trying to exert over my family. Its like I am trying to browbeat them into submission and do things my way. And its just leading to frustration for me, because no one is happy about that. I do need help picking up the house, and keeping it tidy. I need the little man to put his toys away every night before bed. I need for both myself and the big man to pick up after ourselves every night. I need to have the routine to keep the house humming. I need to be more disciplined about eating and exercising. I need to make sure we all get enough sleep and rest.
Not doing that means that we are all tired and cranky, living in a messy house and not being our best. Each day are choices to make.