Best of You

I have a confession to make...I did nothing last night when I came home from work. I ate, played wii, watched the family play wii and figure out how I can stay awake until bedtime. I did go to bed much earlier than I had all week, and it felt pretty darn good.
The downside is I have twice as much work to get done today. That's a bit of a bummer. I have to reclaim the kitchen, do some laundry and deep clean the bathrooms. I also want to take the little man to the pool since its going to be HOT HOT HOT out today. I know that one workout alone won't make a difference but I would like to get on the treadmill too, and get back in the swing of things.
Exercise makes me feel better. It really does. And I think that is the mental block I have. I realized that I have this issue with things that make me happy or feel good. I guess somewhere in my psyche I feel I don't deserve it or something. However, the bottom line is that I do, and I just need to get to the root cause of it.
In addition to being a wife and mom and being out to save the world, I need to figure out why I have such horrific self esteem. Lets see:

I'm smart
I'm funny
I'm incredibly talented
I'm a good cook
I'm loving, caring and compassionate
I'm reasonably attractive

So...I am not quite sure why I feel like I am less than deserving of being happy. I think part of it comes from the fact that my grandmother, who I loved very much, suffered from incredibly low self esteem and an incredibly large chip on her shoulder. She really never saw the bright side of anything-there always was something dark and gloomy on the horizon. Whenever something good did happen, she would downplay it saying "tut tut tut". It was like she didn't believe in the laws of attraction-the more you put out good vibes, the more you get back. If you train your mind enough to wish for success, you can achieve anything.

Basically, I am trying to stamp out 30 years of mental conditioning. Its hard, because I take one step forward and its six back. I know that when I work out, I feel good. Its good for me. I sleep better at night, I have more energy during the day. I don't ache as much. And going hand in hand with it is when I work out, I eat better. I actually go out of my way to make healthier choices.

So today, I am looking at making happy, healthy choices for me (and my family).

I will:
clean up the kitchen (empty/reload dishwasher, wipe down counters, mop the floor)
workout (treadmill + bowflex=1 hour of sanity)
do laundry
tidy up the house
take my son to the pool
pick up a few things from the supermarket
go to the Frankie Avalon concert with my mom and son