Get Up, Stand Up

Its the 5th of July, and I have the day off today. I am looking forward to spending the day with the little man, and I am trying to NOT have an agenda. Its hard, but I am going to go with the flow today. What he wants to do, not what I think he wants to do.
I am in the midst of chaos right now. My craft room has been disassembled and moved downstairs and in the living room. The Little Man is moving from his current room to the now former craft room. In the meantime, the Big Man needs to paint the room first, so for the next week or so it will be like this. And I need to get the junk under control. I am so incredibly frustrated with everything right now-too much stuff, not enough room.
How did it get to this point? Well, I for one, like recreational shopping. Basically its a form of a high-retail therapy. It was my (very expensive) drug. And I bear the consequences of it on so many levels: my finances, the overwhelming amount of JUNK I have, and the stress both of the above causes on my family.
I can't go back and change the past, but I can be responsible for the present and lay the groundwork for the future. I will never use 80% of the stuff I currently have. Ever. So, it will be gone. It will be extremely painful and heart renching, but I will do it. I love my family more than I love my stuff. I want us to be able to enjoy life, and right now we really can't.

I don't even know where to start with some of this stuff. Its overwhelming to be perfectly honest. I know that I need to figure out what I truly love to do.
1. scrapbook. its not just a hobby for me, its a passion. stamping and card making fall into this category
2. quilting. I love creating something out of nothing.
3. stitching, but not as much as I love the first two.
4. crocheting, but it is more to have something to do and keep my hands busy.

I also love flower arranging, but its not a passion. I am very good at it, but I have enough around my house.

I have boxes of stuff downstairs that will never be used, and rummage collection at church starts on Monday. I need to make some arrangements to drop stuff off so I can get it out of the house. I am tired of existing like this and not truly living. I admit that I love watching Clean House and Hoarders and all those types of shows, but it dawned on me the other day-that is ME, only not as extreme.
I spend so much time stressing out about the house, and its because there is way too much going on here. I've got too much every where inside, and out. Add to it just the fact that none of us really pick up after ourselves-and the Big Man and I are burned out right now. Its this whole living in chaos that sucks the life out of you. I've seen it happen to other people, and I don't want that to happen to us. I don't want us to get driven apart by possessions.
Basically, its the fact that I am just tired of being tired all the time and not exactly living my authentic, best life. I spend so much psychic energy worrying about things-our things. Its not worth the time, effort or energy I've spent on it all. It actually causes anxiety for me, because of the amount of stuff I have to take care of and be responsible for, but the fact that I don't seem to be able to manage it all.
So, I need to make some serious decisions. Do I truly love the item or need it? Is it going to make my life better or enhance it? Does it make me happy? Do I love this outfit? Does it fit my personal style?
I need to expand this to the rest of my life-I've been able to shed the busyness from my life, and that felt good. It was terrifying at first, but now that I am about 6 weeks into it, it feels good. Now its getting rid of everything else that insulates me from the real world. Like being fat. I've gained and lost the same 65-70 lbs over and over and over again. Why can't I keep it off?
Its the quick fix syndrome. I want it done now, and it isn't going to happen like that. I want to wave a magic wand and make it all better. That's not going to work in the real world.

First and foremost, I need to get healthy. That's where it all starts. When I went grocery shopping the other day, I did buy more healthy stuff than junk. I bought fruits and vegetables, and I've been (gasp!) eating them. Now its adding the exercise back into my life. Its getting back in the habit. And sticking with it, depsite not seeing immediate results. I need to drink my water, and keep drinking it. Its just loving myself to keep at it all.

Secondly, I need to get over all the stuff I've accumulated in my life. If it doesn't support my lifestyle and choices. Its all going, going, gone. I am so tired of being trapped in someone else's life. And that is where I am right now.

Thirdly, I need to stick to this, no matter how frustrating or difficult it seems. I need to look at the long range effects. Do I want something that is going to enhance my life with my boys or do I want to continue being in this rut?

Am I going to stay stuck, and being miserable all the time or am I going to get up, stand up and get my life in order?