Into the Light

Its Tuesday, and I've got a lot of balls up in the air, juggling. As always it seems.
Last night, when we were tidying up, I went into the playroom and tripped over the little man's trampoline and landed face first going into the sofa. Ugh. He thought it was hysterical and kept asking me to do it again. I didn't find it as funny, and this morning I sorta ache from where I hit the metal ring around it. Its embarrassing that a small little incident like that caused me to have this much aching. Dislike.

I have to admit that I have been feeling out of sorts for the last few days, and I can't pinpoint why. It started over the the weekend, and I've been struggling to recover from it. I feel like I am backsliding to the pit I used to be in. I don't want to go back there. Ever. So, I have to figure out where I am going and what I want to truly do to get out of this. I don't want to be surrounded by darkness any more.

The dark side isn't too far behind me, and I am still working on changing my mindset. There are times when I honestly feel like someone is casting spells over me, trying to keep me in that pit-the enemy really wants us all to fail. I know that it could be discouraging, working so hard to get things done, and feel like you're not making any progress. It can be soul draining, to be perfectly honest. But, you have to climb that mountain in order to enjoy the view.

Its easier to be dark than to be happy, and I understand why a lot of people can choose that path. Me, being the rebel that I am, I want to take the road less travelled. Most people I know are so incredibly negative and quite miserable in their lives, and that saddens me. I know that I set the tone in our home, and when I am happy and full of energy and all that, things are much better. We laugh more, and have a good time together. Its been hard because I had forgotten what that joy had felt like, it had been so long since we had experienced it.

I was talking with a friend the other day, and we were talking about positive vs. negative energy. She is the picture of bliss and happiness most of the time, and she has 6 kids, all under 10. I had mentioned to her that I don't know how she does it-clean house & car, keeping up with the laundry (and putting it away), looking great, in good health, etc. etc. etc. Her response? Paying attention to her own yoga. She explained that if you are so focused on what everyone else is doing, you won't be able to fix your own yoga. You work at your pace and do it your way and don't worry about anyone else.

It makes perfect sense. I obviously have an issue with paying attention to my own yoga. I am so worried about everyone else (channeling Martha here) that I am not focusing on what I am doing. I've been mentally keeping score, and its not making anyone better or happy. It doesn't matter if so and so gets a bigger portion today, because you know what? Maybe they needed that portion to make it through the day. I don't know what goes on in their home or in their lives.

So, my goal for today is to focus on my yoga (or my own life) and not worry about anything else. I am not going to buy into the whole one upmanship, and if someone tries to rain on my parade, I am going to politely stear the conversation elsewhere. I am going to dance in the sunshine, rather than lurk in the shadows.