Still the One

Its been 18 years since my Big Man & I first met and fell in love. There have been many bumps in the road over that time, and we've had the highest highs (getting married, becoming parents) and the lowest of lows (the deaths of both our fathers)during that time. And we're still together.
There have been quite a few people who didn't think that we would last-and a few that wanted to see our relationship fail. Its sad to think that some of my so-called friends have rooted for misery in my life, but there are a few of them out there. I've slowly cut them out of my life, as I have seen what their true intentions are. Basically, they are completely and totally unhappy with their lives, and they want to share that misery with the world. Sad but true.
Sometimes its obvious-a former friend used to bad-mouth the Big Man constantly, because she was jealous. She didn't like the fact I had a boyfriend and she didn't. I am assuming that some of these folks are just jealous of the fact we don't have to "work" at our relationship. Or that we know that we have each other's back.
In talking to other women, either at work, or at kid's events or at school, I am stunned to hear how much these women bash their husbands. If you were to believe them, their husband's are bumbling idiots who couldn't think their way out of a paper bag. Its amazing to think that they could actually get up out of bed and go to work without serious self injury. The complaints about them going to the grocery store or running errands or gasp! spending time with the kids is unbelievable.
I believe in making our home a safe haven, and there have been times where I haven't lived up to that. It has been a struggle, but throughout it all, the Big Man supported me 100%. And I, to him as well (because if we don't support each other, we might as well be done. Through it all, he has exhibited a great deal of patience and understanding. A long time ago, I realized I needed to learn how to clean, so I did what I always do-I took a book out of the library. It was called Do I Dust or Vacuum First? The Big Man thought it was really funny that I needed to read a book to teach me how to clean.
But it kinda, sorta worked.
However, I hear from other mommies that they don't clean, or don't like to clean or do laundry or do any of the other domestic chores that make a house a home. Some are feminists, and feel they shouldn't have to, because they are a feminist. (twisted logic. the toilet is still dirty) Others feel that they need to have a 50-50% division of labor. (does this mean they split mowing the lawn or shoveling snow?). Others just don't do it unless their home is a health hazard. And some hire it out for everything. When I mention what I do for my family, I'm looked at like I am some kind of freak. Then, I start second guessing myself, that maybe what I am doing is wrong. So, I backslide big time, and we wind up in chaos...which makes us all unhappy.
Maybe I am some sort of freak, but I enjoy a home cooked meal (and I love to cook for my family). I like a clean house, I like wearing clean clothes. I like hearing laughter and joy in the house, rather than hearing screaming and yelling and having a sense of fear all the time. I like doing things with my boys, and I would rather be with them than anyone else in the world.
Basically, I need to stop listening to all these other people and their "issues" because it causes me to suddenly develop issues in my own life. There is nothing wrong with my marriage, and there is nothing wrong with being a domestic diva.
But general consensus makes it seem like there is something wrong with it. It seems as if you take care of your home and family, you're a freak. That there is something wrong with you. At least, the folks that I know. I was reading Facebook status updates earlier, and the amount of vitriol some of my so called friends have towards their families is just sad.
And there are some chicks that never have a pleasant thing to say about their families, that there is always something to complain about. One girl that works in a different office from me has a kid that goes to the Little Man's school. She calls her daughter a little s**t-to her face-and has nothing pleasant to say about the teachers, the school, anything. There is always something to complain about and nothing is ever good enough. It makes me wonder what is missing in her life that she has to be so negative all the time. I made a comment yesterday about the Little Man's room and how the Big Man did all this work to make it special. Her response? "Must be nice to have someone do all that." in a very sarcastic tone, and then launched into this whole thing about how she has to pay for someone to do all that stuff that the Big Man does for me. During this conversation, I was thinking to myself, well...if I had to listen to all those complaints, I wouldn't do anything for you either.
I was at the dentist yesterday, and the hygienist-who I just met-was making small talk. In the space of maybe 10 minutes, had at least 15 negative things to say about her husband and her 2 kids, as well as the dog. I just sat there (not like I had much of a choice). All I kept thinking of was, is there anything you like about them? This is your family for goodness sake!
And on top of it all, I hear from other women talking about how they almost hate their own families. I think its a control issue. I think that some of these women feel out of control in their lives, and then they try to micromanage everything else. I know when I feel like I am spiraling out of control-something that's been going on for a little while, in case no one else has noticed-I tend to get all hysterical and need to be in charge of everything. But all that does is frustrate me more and burn me out. Who really wants to have to been in charge and micromanage everything? Is that really living? I've learned the hard way that it basically sucks, to put it bluntly.
I know that after all these years, I'm still with the same guy who makes me laugh. He is the best father, and its so natural to him. He's a great husband who really does go out of his way to do stuff for me to make my life easier. After all this time, we're still having fun-and he's still the one.