Tuesday, August 17, 2010


Day 4 of vacation. Time flies when you're having fun, I guess.

Yesterday we went to Thunder Road. We played mini-golf and I got 2 holes in one! That was exciting. I love playing mini golf, and the little man suprisingly enough was great at it. He went a few times this summer from camp and I guess it was enough to improve his aim. After golf, he went on the bungy jumpy thing and then the ultimate. Little Man & I went on the go karts together. He's too small yet to go by himself so he drove with me. I had never driven a go kart before, so this was a cross between excitement and pure terror. I didn't crash and no one got hurt.

Tonight I have the kindergarten open house at school, so I have to be there by 6 pm. I get to speak to the kindergarten parents as PTO president and I am a little nervous about it all. Little Man's open house will be Thursday. He & I were talking and he said that he would like me to help with the parties again. I don't mind at all, and in fact, I rather enjoy it. I really can't help in the classroom on a daily basis, but I can do certain events. I try to be involved as much as possible. I don't want to live there-I've got enough going on with PTO, church, and my family without adding to that load.

Its a fine line, and I feel like there's been a lot of damage that's been done already by being busy. I thought that by juggling so much and throwing the plates in the air so high I was being successful. All I did was burn myself out. I started this vacation not quite sure where I fit into this household anymore. I think the fact that I just ignored everything for so long...not good. If anything comes out of this vacation, its the fact that I realized that I abandoned my role as mommy and homemaker and that the daily stress I fight has caused more problems that I ever anticipated.

I'm trying to get my life and family back, and I don't know if I will be successful on either level. I guess its the fact that I am so tired at night when I come home, the last thing that I want to do is play, clean, do laundry or anything else. Yesterday morning, I spent some time and cooked chicken and pork chops for the week. I did laundry too, and there is more to be done. I had kitty kat attack me in the middle of the night-he wanted to play and I wanted to sleep. It drove me crazy because he kept pawing my head and dangling his paws over my eyes like windshield wipers. Eventually I got up, put him in the playroom and closed the door. At last I got some sleep and felt better about it.
But then when I got up this morning, I felt guilty.

I am not sure what we have planned for today. Tomorrow is the fair, and then we are on the downside of vacation. Maybe a movie today, maybe the arcade or maybe both. I think I might go back to bed & lie down for a little while longer. I need to teach myself to relax more. I woke up feeling stressed. I'm on vacation dang it!! I should be relaxing and enjoying my life, and instead I feel tension in my shoulders and stress. I guess I need to work on my yoga and meditation and deep breathing rather than everything else I'm dealing with.

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