Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Living on a Prayer

Its day 7 of the concussion, and I woke up again with a raging headache. Its a regular occurance now. This is my new reality. I drag myself out of bed and down some ibuprofin to get myself to a tolerable throb.

But I digress. I really don't want to whine, but that I am because it seems appropriate. Not that I want the attention, but I do want a little sympathy.

On a high note, I did have my monthly life coaching yesterday. Due to everything that has been going on in my life, it made me realize what's truly lacking in my life-peace. I had bad feng shui in my house, and I can tell that the energy is changing now. It took moving the TV from one wall to the other in the living room. The other thing is that I haven't spent time meditating and clearing my head regularly. For years, I put aside 15 minutes or so every day to just spend some time channeling peace.
Some days I would just silently pray. Other times it was praying the rosary. Then I would do the om type meditiations on other days. All of this would give me a chance to focus and clear my head at the same time. It sounds rather incongruent, but it works for me.

I also used to have a much deeper prayer life too. Not that I am a religious nut or anything, but I used to spend a lot more time in prayer and reading the Bible. I used to spend more time with God, and I seem to be running away from Him lately. I don't know why, but there were other times in my life that this was going on, and I can tell you that it was not pleasant.

There is no real reason why all of this has happened, but it has. I use the excuse that I am too busy, but I think part of it is just that the well is dry. I really need to prime the pump, and that is so hard. I just seem to find other things to keep my attention rather than spending time with God. Its not that I don't want to, its just somewhere along the line I forgot to do certain things.

Its time for a do-over. Every so often, I have these little wake up calls. I get very distracted and wrapped up in so many other things in my head. I am so focused on all these other things that I am not paying attention and then I wind up getting hurt. Its been going on for several years, and I pay the price. One time I wound up slipping and falling on ice and getting stitches in my chin. Another time I broke my foot in the bathroom, because I wasn't paying attention. I've burned dinner or something I was baking because I got distracted. Even my eating habits are proving that I am distracted. I crave junk, mainly because I am not taking care of myself. I am not resting my body adequately. I am not moving my body properly. I am not clearing my mind and I am definately not hydrating the right way. I guess you can say I usually am in a fog, and looking like a deer in the headlights.

And why I am so distracted all the time? Honestly, I don't have an answer. There are a lot of reasons. One is clutter. I need to cull the clutter from my life-the mental, physical and emotional as well. This is an ongoing battle for me and I keep trying to get the upper hand.

I can give you a list of all the things that I need to do to get my head on straight and not feel foggy all the time, but listing them isn't really going to make a huge difference. Its changing them and going back to my core value-peace-that is going to make a difference. Is what I am doing creating a culture of peace in my life, my home, my family?

Back in the day, when I spend time in prayer, meditation, etc. I feel more grounded and actually have more energy. It clears out my mind. It actually gets rid of the aches and pains that plague me throughout the day. Its the same reason why I do yoga. Its that focus on what my body is doing, and feeling the stretch and feeling the breath and feeling as one unit. There is no real disconnect between my brain and my body. Its the same thing with running. My mind clears and I don't think. I get that with cleaning sometimes, and ironing.

So, today, I am hoping that this is the last day of the massive headaches and that I will be back to "normal" soon.

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