Unpretty

Everywhere else in the country it is Columbus Day. In South Dakota its Native American Day. I don't care what its called or what the spin is on it, its a day to spend with my little man. Unfortunately, some of that time will be spent helping him clean the mess in the playroom.
Our living room got rearranged again. I came home from church, and it was different. Not bad, just different. It actually looks really great, and it opens up the room. Plus, the TV is on a TV stand, so I get my coffee table back and for it to be used as it was intended to be used.
When I went to Target yesterday, I bought a new purse. I've been looking for a big black handbag that I could carry my stuff in-there are some essentials that go along with me-a book, sometimes crocheting or cross stitch, make up, and wallet keys phone etc. I also like to carry baby wipes and hand sanitizer with me (especially with the little man). So I found a purse that is big enough for all that, and then some, and that this purse is perfect! Big Man didn't understand the absolute excitement I had over finding it. Just like I get excited over finding a new way to do my makeup or a great new nailpolish color (currently I am rocking mango, which actually looks more like pumpkin but its totally right for the fall).
The other day Big Man told me I needed some new clothes. I agree whole heartedly. However, I don't want to buy anything until after humpy leaves, because I don't know what size I will end up at. I am hoping a much smaller one, and that I will be able to wear stuff that I like and looks good on me.
I won't lie, I love fashion. I've suppressed all that over the last few years, mainly because nothing looks good with humpy. Its just so, ugly, and it makes me feel ugly. Its like when these women go "undercover" in a fat suit, and they see what life is like as a fat person. Well, I've been undercover as a very fat person because humpy makes me look like that. I'm not saying that I am not chunky to begin with-because I readily admit to that-but I look a lot heavier because of how humpy sticks out. I have to wear 1-2 sizes bigger than my waist because of humpy.
I think I stopped really caring about looking good because of humpy. It has really changed my life in oh so many negative ways. Imagine going around being 9 months pregnant for 9 years. Everyday. No wonder I have chronic exhaustion and back pain. Its a creul irony-my body looks like I'm pregnant, and its the one thing I couldn't do?
So, I don't know if post surgery I am going to have any issues or not with my new body. I've heard from people who have had gastric bypass that they were unprepared for the emotional issues that came up after they lost the weight. I know when I've lost significant weight previously, it was hard to deal with the emotional side of things.
Honestly, I don't eat because of emotions. I eat because I like food. I love creamy, rich sauces and items sauteed in olive oil and garlic or pesto. I especially love Chinese, and sushi. I also love Mexican, but I hardly ever get it outside Taco Bell. I love shrimp and clams and oysters and all sorts of shellfish. I love salmon and a steamy hot baked potato. Then there is my love of chocolate and dessert. MMMMMMMMM....ooey gooey desserts topped with whipped cream or ice cream. I love apple crisp, but I am the only one in my house will eat it. I love fruit crumbles too. Yummy.
I really don't like fried foods, but will eat it, since there really isn't too many other choices out there. I am not a fast food fan, but once in a while I crave it.
I also love how I feel when I work out, but once again, humpy gets in my way. Its hard for me to do crunches or sit ups or pilates or anything really because humpy interfears. For anyone who has been 9 months pregnant, imagine running a 5k or doing 100 crunches or weights, or yoga. That's me folks. Its amazing that I am as active as I am because I really struggle.
I do know I have let humpy affect me so much in so many ways. I need to prepare myself emotionally for the changes coming up after my tummy gets a bit flatter.
In the meantime, I do need to find a happy medium in my life.