Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Living on the edge

I.see the doctor who is doing my hysterectomy today. It is exactly 2 weeks until it. It is going to be life changing, there is no doubt about it.and I'm running out of.time.to get things done pre op. I'm scared.out of my mind too. So much anxiety and the negative what ifs going.through my head.

But I can only focus on the good things.

And what I will be doing to lead my best life starting today. I need to focus on what makes my life better.

1. Planning. I am a compulsive planner. I plan for every one else but I don't:: really plan for me. What I mean is I don't hold myself accountable. I hold others, but not me. I do have this extensive framework in place, but if I don't feel like doing something I don't.

What do I really want? A rocking body that's super duper healthy-low cholesterol, low blood sugar, low blood pressure. I want to have energy and bliss.

I want a clean house. No.piles.of.crap everywhere. I want that routine of cleaning everyday & having help doing it.

It's my Martha Stewart fantasy.

2. Perserverance. I have a tendency to start out hot & all on board for things, then my enthusiasm wanes. Sometimes, its sheer drudgery. And im not into it any more. So I struggle to keep doing the same thing day in & day out.

3. It's all about love. I love my husband & son more than anything else in the world. For the most part, I want to spend the vast majority of my time with them. But I do need my mommy time too. My mommy time is taking care of basic grooming stuff-haircuts & eyebrow waxes. Despite it making me feqhel good, I feel guilty that I took the time for...me.

I can't wait to not have the other issues that have plagued me for years now: the back pain, the abdominal pain, the ibs, the hip painzq

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