Over the weekend a friend asked me how i cook gourmet meals & all. I told her that I have a rough framework & I plan a month ahead. This, of course, caused the Big Man to laugh uproariously. I honestly do plan a month in advance, its the issue of sticking with the plan.
Just like i have daily to.do.lists of what needs to be done...the execution is off.
But I am compartmentalizing things. Post surgery will be different. Ask any 9 month pregnant woman how much energy she has. My body & its defects make me at that level. For nearly 10 years. I know post recovery I will be more energetic. I also know I have some serious fitness work to do.
I need to build a better body. I've been haphazardly doing so for years, but I will finally get to.see results. It's the fact that I haven't been able to see any real progress that really hinders me. Ok, so I can get deeper into a stretch or do more reps, but I don't see results.
Sometimes I don't see the forest for the trees, and I want that instant gratification. I want to wave a magic wand & the house to be clean & a 3 course gourmet meal to be on the table. I want to be in my old/new body again. I want my son to be perfect. Well, 2 out of 3 ain't bad.
The little man is going to be reevaluated for where he stands on the spectrum. Five years ago when he was first diagnosed, he was closer to rain man & displayed more typical behaviors. Today, not so much. Part of me really wants that, to prove on paper what I see on a daily basis. It's a double edged sword though, because he may lose access to services he currently has access to. Since there's a huge discrepancy between what his file shows as a icd 9 code & him being a pretty typical 8 year old.
He's a good kid, with the normal whininess that little boys get when they are being made to.do.something that they don't want to. He's super.smart too & I really have to pay attention to keep up. But that's a small.price to pay.
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