Monday, November 08, 2010

Monday, again

It's Monday again.

I posted on Facebook last night that the Clash has been my favorite band for about 30 years (London Calling sealed the deal.for me) and a friend posted that this little tidbit really surprised her.

That got me thinking...what else about me would be surprising to.others?

I love hardcore punk. Dead Kennedys, Circle Jerks, Fear, Black Flag...I lived SLC Punk, I knew the people that characters in the movie were based on. I did go through my punk dressing phase, but even when that stopped i still listen to the music.

Which brings me to the fact that I am a closet hipster. I listen to NPR, read the New York Times and believe strongly in social justice issues. I like artsy films, read artsy books, and I like going to artsy things. On the other hand, I also am ultra-conservative on most other issues. I love football & baseball & most other sports. I love being outdoors, especially hiking.

I'm a walking contradiction, in other words.

Or to quote Shrek, I'm like an onion with many, many layers.

I have been an off & on vegetarian for years.

Right now, I really don't enjoy working out because of humpy. It makes it too hard.

In 29 days humpy will be removed. And I am looking

1. Actually wearing my true clothing size. I can finally tell how much weight I need to lose; what needs to be toned up and what is working.

2. Being able to bend over without this massive bulge. Honestly its hard for me to bend over. Its hard for me to clean, and its hard for to do a lot of things because of it. I can't dosome yoga asansas because of humpy. I can't do.certain exercises because of it. Any type of ab work is very, very difficult.

3. Pain. I have chronic pain in my lower back and hips. I know why-its humpy's fault. Big time. I.mean my hips hurt. At one point in time I thought I was developing arthritis...its just ky center of gravity.

4. exhaustion. Imagine being 9 months pregnant for.10 years. That's basically what I've dealt with since my last surgery. I struggle to get in & out, clothes, cars you get the idea. I check out my options for seating when I am somewhere-chairs yes, sofas no. I don't want to look like a beached whale struggling to get up.

5. Lack of fashion options. I have been forced to wear an 18 or 20 to fit over humpy. There aren't too many choices at that size. Seriously. Bright bold colors (for a woman who likes to wear brown, navy, black, white & gray) and stretchy fabrics. I prefer more structured clothing choices, not this spandex stuff for chunky chicks. And I like to flaunt my assets, which fat clothes generally don't allow. ive always have had great legs, but most.shorter skirts don't look good on me due to the hump. One of my favorite pre 2001 surgery outfits was a Gap shirtdress that was navy blue with white polka dots. I used to pair it with a jeans jacket and a pair of white keds. Had a chin length bob at the time, and I looked scj.hool. That outfit.made me feel fierce and powerful.

6. Then there is the whole matter of taking care.of.myself. seriously, humpy has caused me to.go frumpy. It's gotten to a point of why should I bother to take care of me because of the hernia? I can't wear what I want, I can't do a lot of things because of the physical deformity, so why bother? It's spread like a noxious weed in my life.

7. I will be able to play more with my son. Physically its with humpy. Next spring I will be able to ride a bike with him. Run around the yard more. The little things that make life sweet.

No comments: