Not Fade Away

It's been a little over a week post op. I feel like crap most of the time, I won't lie. I don't do well with prescription pain meds & they did little to get rid of the searing pain in my abdomen. I try to stay positive & all, but I am not enjoying the level of pain I have coupled with the exhaustion that I feel from walking down the hall let alone anything else.

What this time has done has allowed me a chance to think & reflect. It's amazing to realize who your true friends are & who comes out of the woodwork. I've also shifted priorities again. I realized how much my busyness affects everyone else in my family.

I'm so grateful that my other mom is here to help. She has taken great care.of the little man, the big man, my home and me. My house hasn't ever been this clean when I take care of it it.seems. we are all well fed. Laundry is done. I have companionship, someone to listen to me whine.

I have not been able to do things that I thought I would do whilst recovering. Crocheting is out the window. I can't focus long enough nor have I found a comfortable position. Same with scrapbooking. The books that I thought would be fun to read turned out to be busts (so much for the recommendations from others).

And...its a week before Christmas and the annual panic attack is setting in. My Martha Stewart fantasies have been scaled back.for obvious reasons. No baking done. No fancy cards made. None of the craziness involved in the holidays. There is a certain level of beauty & wonder with that, along with a certain level of guilt.

I am glad I had the surgery. The fact that my uterus was the size of a volleyball, yet cancer free in itself is a miracle. I have lost 22 lbs since surgery (14 being the aforementioned uterus), which is a benefit. My constant hunger is gone, which my doctor said was most likely hormonal. I was in this constant PMS state, and I craved a lot of foods. Don't get me wrong, I'm still fat and I still need to lose about 45 lbs but I am heading in the right direction.

I honestly thought I'd be feeling better by now, but I'm not. My energy level is quite low still. Taking a shower requires a nap afterwards. I went to shopko yesterday for my daily constitutional & slept for 2 hours afterwards (plus had a pain level of 9). Playing with the little man wore me out & was cause for another nap.

I thought I had no energy before all this. Boy was I wrong! But this is a different type of no energy. I do a little, then tucker out. Even blogging is exhausting. But this too shall pass. I will be back to even better soon enough.