(I would walk)500 miles

About 15 or so years ago there was a johnny depp movie called benny & joon which, as their theme, featured that song by the proclaimers. I dare you to not get it stuck in your head.

Go on, I dare you.


In less than 2 months I will be running in a 5k. This is no big shakes, I've been a runner.for years. Ive done this race before, and last year I posted my best time ever for a 5k. I'm not fast, but I have a great follow through.

So, I am training for this race, and I'm getting a little nervous. I had surgery about 3 months ago, and honestly, I'm still healing

..

It's a struggle to balance exercise, eating healthy & life with working full time + & being a wife and mother. There's dinner to cook, homework to do, a house to clean & all sorts of sundry things that go into being a grown-up.

I watch heavy on a&e and of course these folks lose weight. They are isolated from the real world. They don't have meetings or boo boo's to kiss or toilets to scrub. It's not reality. It does make for compelling tv though.

I find myself not really rooting for these folks because I honestly think that their main motivation is being on tv. The show doesn't really address the reason why these people are huge. Why do they eat 10, 12 hot dogs or cheeseburgers in one setting? I know how ridiculously high my grocery bill is for 3, I can imagine what theirs is!

I'm not being harsh or judgemental, but for once id love to see one of these shows work with someone at their home, in their lives. Address the root cause of their eating. Why they don't exercise. Why they make the choices they do.

I know my eating was related to unprocessed grief. I had a lot.of sadness about the life I wanted vs what reality has brought me. The battle with infertility took its toll. I gained about 40 lbs trying to get pregnant between hormones, and medication and emotional eating.

I couldn't.have a baby so I was going to eat myself into oblivion.

Don't get me wrong, I love my little man more than life itself, but there was a lot of pain there that got shoved deep inside by eating.

I had a lot of other things I needed to mourn before I could move on. I had to mourn ex pectations that would never be reality. I had to accept things as they were. And move on.

I dreamed of a family of 4, a husband a boy and girl

So I walk. I am walking away pain.  Bitterness. Grief. Anger. Disappointments. Negative feelings. Unhappiness. The raw nerve.

I had always thought I would have a boy & girl, and that we would live happily ever after

I may not walk 500 miles, but I can do 3.1.