My Stupid Mouth

I have a tendency to not let my filter work and I speak without thinking. I also have a tendemcy to let things fester until they explode. Those two traits, combined together, can have some very ugly results.
There are a lot of words that I have uttered that can either turn the world into an arctic wonderland, or melt the coldest of hearts.

I have been experiencing the former lately. I've said things that I never thought would come tumbling out of my mouth. There have been many ouch moments, and once these things are out in the universe, there's no going back. Its like kneading bread, what was all seperate ingredients have melded together-all the words spoken ever have melded into the universe.

There can be words of joy and sorrow; happiness and pain. Sometimes in the same sentence. And there can be words that either enslave or set free. Or both. I am a writer at heart, and words are either my band aid or sword. They can either cleanse someone or make them feel dirty and shameful.

I have uttered all of the above in my 40 something years on this planet. Lately, I have been closer to the stupid side of the street. My ever increasing frustration level leads to a lot of yelling, and sometimes even hurtful statements.
I chose this life, and I chose my family. That's not to say that I am not frustrated by things every now & again. I am at a 10 plus on the frustration factor scale, and its not good. The biggest problem is I try to make it seem like everything is ok until I can't take it anymore, and I blow like Vesuvius.
Life on the spectrum is challenging on so many levels. The most important thing is self care, and I have definately been neglecting that lately. When I do, bad things happen.
My stupid mouth gets me in trouble time and again.