I Want it All

I have been a Stephen King fan going back to my youth. He came to speak at my college freshman year, and despite his Yankee lumberjack appearance, he was a bewitching speaker-talking about the art of writing. He certainly is a master of his craft, as being a New York Times best selling author for nearly 40 years.

One my favorite books by him is Needful Things. It came out when I was in my early 20’s and starting to forge my own life. At the time I was at a personal crossroads. It was in the days before I had met the Big Man. I was dating someone who was for wont of a better term, a psychic vampire. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, and I was looking to forge my own path. I was shedding my old skin and looking forward to the future. I was also determining what my values were and what was truly important to me.

I picked up the book at the library and determined that it was a good train book (I was right, the 24 hours it took me to finish it). The plot is simple: the store, Needful Things, opens in Castle Rock, Maine. It is an antique shop of sorts-the type you find all over New England. The only difference is that this store sells you something that you desire, that you covet, that you feel that your life isn’t worth much with out. Eventually, the truth comes out and destroys the town.

It brings to mind the commandment: thou shall not covet.

What a hard one to keep, especially in today’s society. I know that there are things that I felt I could not live without-those boots, that dress, that book, that phone…sometimes they do make my life better (in the case of my phone) and sometimes they get shunted to the back of the closet with everything else out of style. I try to not want things excessively and live a material life, but believe you me its hard, with a capital H. I am trying to raise kids that don’t have a case of the gimmes, but again hard, hard, hard. Especially with teenagers-having the right jeans or hoodie or shoes makes a huge difference.

I can go one better. I coveted another person’s life for the longest time. I wanted to be married and a mom. I wanted the house and the yard. I wanted the whole domestic thing wrapped up in a Martha Stewart bow. When it wasn’t happening in the order and at the speed I wanted it to, it was discouraging at best. I did make the conscious choice however, not to turn bitter. Bitterness would only make a bad situation worse. I chose the path of light.

In Needful Things, not all the characters chose the path of light. Some decide to hurt others-emotionally, physically and mortally wound. Others hurt themselves. Some do both. I remember back a while ago when there were a rash of killings in NYC over jackets and sneakers and other material things. It was so sad that many young lives were lost over Air Jordans or a puffy coat. Again, it was a needful thing that someone coveted. They felt that couldn’t live without it, so basically, in exchange for it, they gave up their soul. It might not be like Leland Grant’s valise, but the metaphor holds. I have stopped short of selling my soul for something, but I know the ache of wanting-needing-something so badly that it is possible that the thought might cross your mind. Dealing with infertility, you want a child so desperately that you would consider almost anything to make that happen.

Or wanting a relationship that is thrilling or fulfilling.

Or good health.

There are so many things we can want that we might make a rash, life altering decision for.

I want it all and I want it now.