Secret

Several years ago, a friend at yoga introduced me to the book, The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. It's an introduction to the law of attraction, or using your thoughts to manifest things.

Simple, right?

Not so fast. I was a skeptic for a LONG time, so reading the book, I wasn't expecting any real changes or polar shifts. In fact, I at first dismissed as a bunch of new age hooey. I wasn't hoping to waste time or energy on it. Until I decided to try it. I set about disproving it working, which actually was a good spot to start from.

The crux of the book is using the law of attraction, you can lead your dream life. Between affirmations, visulaizations and giving gratitude, you can change your life. You can get new cars, money, true love, blah blah blah, just by putting it out into the universe. I thought it was crazy, until one morning as I was praying, I realized I was doing something similar. It's ok to pray for certain things-but when it's framed as the secret, it's a bunch of junk. I had a polar shift at that moment.

I went back and re-read the Secret, and began to implement some of the techniques. I already kept a gratitude journal, and I had started using a dream book (similar to vision boards) since I read Simple Abundance a decade earlier. I had always had a bit of a negative thought streak, so learning to reframe my thoughts in a positive manner was huge. I had read The Power of Positive Thinking in college, but had never really applied it until now.

Joining anintenders circle also helped me to put my new skills into practice. Just like prayer, sometimes intentions come true right away. Sometimes it takes a while and sometimes the universe just looks at you and says are you kidding me?

Once you get beyond some of the sweeping declarations, the Secret is a really great introduction to the law of attraction. 

Paperback Writer

From the time I was a small child, I have been a voracious reader. I loved being read to and reading on my own as I got older. Its something that I have worked hard to instill in the Little Man too.Reading opens doors and transports you to whole other worlds. Books can also change your life.

 

There have been five that did just that for me. I did not include any of the most obvious choices, like the Bible, because that didn’t just change my life-it framed it for me. I also did not include any fiction, since

 

The first one was Simple Abundance by Sarah ben Brethnact. It’s a daybook-you read one essay a day. Sometimes there are exercises to do, like creating a look book or reading something. Other times, its just a piece to read and reflect upon. I’ve been using this book for about 15 years now. Despite having read each and every essay dozens and dozens of times, there is something comforting about it. Its part of my morning routine. Its taught me valuable lessons. The first was developing an attitude of gratitude. One of the first exercises listed is to create a gratitude journal, which I’ve kept for well over a decade now. Another lesson learned is that of finding simple joy in things, and to look for beauty in each and every day.

 

The second book that changed my life was the Artist’s Way. Reading it was a revelation. For most of my life, I have been a creative soul. I write. I paint. I craft. I scrap. I do all sorts of creative endeavors. However, since I am an accountant and youth minister by trade, I never considered myself an artist. After reading this book and working through the exercises, I can call myself one now. I start my morning with my daily pages. When I skip it, I can tell. It helps keep the flow flowing. Another concept was the weekly artist date. I spend some quality time with my muse, and sometimes its creating something, other times I’m working my kitchen magic. Then there are other times I take a class or even just move.

 

The third was Ghost Hunter by Hans Holzer. I read over and over and over again as a kid, and its inspired me to pursue my paranormal interests. It introduced me to the concept that ghosts were real, and can be quantified. As I grew older, it encouraged me to get into the paranormal field and find like minded souls.

 

The fourth book was Restoring the Woven Cord. About 15 years ago, the associate rector of my beloved Trinity Princeton went on sabbatical to Iona, Scotland to study Celtic spirituality. When he returned, we had a series of adult forums and study groups to learn about it as well. My faith shifted, because this was a faith practice that was entwined in my soul. I “got” it. We used the book as a discussion guide and reference source. I have read it so much over the years that the binding on my highlighted and tabbed copy has broken. I don’t want to replace it just yet because its such a special book to me.

 

The fifth and final book may be a bit of a surprise, unless you really know me well. Scott Cunningham’s book, Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner. Since I was already interested in the paranormal, this was a natural progression. Wicca is loosely based on ancient Celtic and Britannic pagan traditions, but as a theology Wicca is relatively new. I thought it was fascinating how traditional holidays (ember days and holy days in the Christian calendar) became Wiccan Sabbats. It also is a terrific resource for herbal remedies as well as aromatherapy blends. I have to admit that this book was my introduction to those fields, and for that I am thankful.

 

John Barleycorn Must Die

The character of John Barleycorn is part of English folklore, dating back to before Shakespearean times. He is the representation of the barley crop (and the drinks made from barley, including whiskey & beer), according to tradition.  In the traditional song, John Barleycorn is abused terribly before he ultimately dies. Folklorists compare this to the nature of farming: planting, growing, harvesting, death.

I've Got the Joy

One thing that I have decided on this year is to manifest more joy in my family’s lives. This centered on my working to manifest joy in my own life, and then spreading it to the rest of them. It goes with the old adage, if momma ain’t happy, then no body’s happy.  I needed to work through some issues before I could focus on bringing about more joy in our lives.

 

One of the greatest gifts I can give to my family is the gift of being present. I need to be conscious and aware, not merely there. My son brought up the fact that I spend a lot of time on my ipad (guilty). I try to justify it by showing him I’m reading a book on there vs. an actual book, but he’s right. I am there with him, but I am not WITH him. It led me to thinking about other times where I was present, but not in presence.

 

I am making a conscious choice to actively engage in bringing about joy in our home. I set a very clear intention, and am now in the process of making it so. I read the book the Joy Diet (and yes, it was on my ipad) and Martha Beck has some great ideas on how to bring about more joy in our lives. There was also a lot that wasn’t quite practical for my life or my family.

 

The decision to be focused and aware is part of her ideal of connection. We need to feel that connection to the greater world. No man (or woman for that matter) is an island, and we are all interdependent on one another. For my family, that connection also involves playing together. When our son was younger, it was physically getting on the floor and building Legos or playing hot wheels with him. Those are some of my most treasured memories. Now that he’s older, we have other ways of playing. We race our bikes around the block. We play video games. Play is an essential part of growth and learning for children-and it needs to be for adults as well.

 

Playing for us usually winds up with laughter. According to the Joy Diet, we should aim for 30 LPD-laughs per day. It sounds like an easy task-until you actually start keeping track. I honestly thought I laughed more than I really did. It made me to be more focused and aware-and actively seeking out funny things. My family and I find different things funny, and its great to experience what we like. I adore Monty Python, and despite seeing all of the movies and Flying Circus episodes a gazillion times, I still fall over laughing.

 

One of the more difficult suggestions Beck offers is to spend 15 minutes a day doing nothing. I am a wife and mom who works full time and has a litany and laundry list of things to be doing. However, I am committing time to meditation every day, and I am counting this as my 15 minutes. I am working on getting the boys on board, but so far they have proven challenging. The other task I am struggling with is finding a moment of truth every day. I need to spend more time working on that before I can bring it to the boys.

 

She encourages folks to determine what they desire. Not the surface, materialistically things but what you really and truly desire. We are starting a family vision board, and its very enlightening because I didn’t realize how aligned our visions are. There are the silly things-sports cars, designer shoes, fancy tools-but there are some other things like a trip to Disney Land or a garden. Its also encouraging us to have discussions on where we are as a family and where we would like to head.

 

One of my favorite tools Beck suggests is the use of treats. She doesn’t just mean food (although that works just fine), but anything that jazzes you. Its another form of a happy list. The trick is to give yourself permission to partake and enjoy your treat, which for some folks like me, is a difficult task.

 

The final tool is feasting. Again, this isn’t just food. It’s a feast for the senses, whether its sitting out on the deck enjoying the sunset or snuggling on the couch watching a movie. The key is that it is a ritual, that sets your feast apart from the rest of the day. It's something that feeds you physically, emotionally, intellectually or spiritually. The other key is that you need to be grateful and show gratitude for it.

 

For one of our new year, new you resolutions I put my family on a diet. We’ve never been happier.

O Pioneer

Yesterday I went on a field trip to Prairie Village (http://www.prairievillage.org). I have a disclosure to make-I've had a fascination with pioneer life since reading the Little House books as a kid. I loved the tv show and was obsessed with it. When Mary went blind, my friends & I pretended to be blind, too. We played wagon train on my bed, where we'd put stuff on the bed as we went across the plains. It encouraged me to learn as much about that era in American history.

My favorite little house book still is Little House on the Prairie (which is not the first in the series, that distinction goes to Little House in the Big Woods. My obsession has a new layer as many of the books are set in South Dakota, my adopted home state. Earlier this school year, my son and his class read By the Shores of Silver Lake (http://www.littlehousebooks.com/books/bookdetail.cfm?ISBN13=9780064400053) and I was so excited to share my love of these books with him.
Except, he's all boy and would much rather read Conspiracy 365 or Diary of a Wimpy Kid.

The Ingalls homestead is in DeSmet, SD (http://www.ingallshomestead.com/index.html). The amazing thing to me is her life bridged two centuries and many, many changes in the world. She was born before South Dakota was a state, and died as rock and roll started to take off.

I was fascinated by the various buildings at Prairie Village. The size of the homes-especially the sod house-was amazing in how small they truly were. He was fascinated by the one room school house.
He went on his first train ride.
We saw the Lawrence Welk opera house (which was a source of entertainment in that era)
There were many churches on the grounds.
The boys were fascinated by a snake and a salamander in the bathroom.
The boys claimed everything was haunted.
The carousel was great.
They loved the merry go round the best.

It was a great day to go back in time.

Blue Jean

My Friday reads this week is David Sedaris' Dress Your Children in Denim & Courderoy. Confession: it made me laugh, although not as much as his other books. I am a self confessed fan girl, and will read whatever he publishes. My literary love affair began when I heard him on NPR, and it continues to this day.
[this video is of an essay in the book:
http://youtu.be/NYdpte1W0vk]
He is self deprecating, and most of his stories are autobiographical. On a lot if levels, I can relate. I had an awkward childhood that has become fodder for adult stories. Where we differ is Sedaris is funny, whereas I am not as humorous.
I don't think that this book is as good as his others. That is to say, other Rembrandt pieces aren't as good as the Nightwatch. All are great on their own individual merits, but some are better than others. There are a few funny pieces, and I think hearing him read these might make the difference.
If you are not already a fan, this wont win you over. If you are, it will fill in space on the continuum. For a better introduction to him, check out either Naked or Me Talk Pretty One Day.

http://youtu.be/LTYvjrM6djo

Asana of the Week: Shark Pose

Last Saturday was the last class of my Yogi Junior classes until the end of June. I love teaching kids, and it's so rewarding when they tell me they have used breathing techniques in school or before a game or they use a flow at home. It makes it even more rewarding. Yogi Junior is a 6 week series on Saturday afternoons from 12:30-1:15 at East Bank Yoga (8th & Railroad Center) offered on a rotating basis (see the calendar for more details
http://eastbankyoga8thandrr.blogspot.com/p/calendarfees.html?m=1).
Over the course of the class, we spent time learning a variety of poses, starting with basics and graduating to more difficult poses in a fun, safe environment. Each week we have a theme-on the farm, outer space, under the sea and more. We start with a story, then we do breathing exercises, warm ups, play a few games and then get down to business with our flow. Afterwards the kids get a takeaway (stickers or whatnot) based on the theme.
It's so much fun, and yoga is such a great life skill for kids. They learn to focus, stretch muscles and build strength and develop stress management skills. I've seen the difference yoga has made in Little Man's life. For our home practice, we use the Yoga Pretzels deck, which is so much fun to play with!
One of my favorite poses is from our under the sea adventure: shark pose.

To do it, you need to lie on your stomach. Raise your chest and legs off the mat (locust pose) and reach hands behind you. If you can grab them perfect! Hold for at least 2 breaths.

Friday Reads: Strike a Pose

I started doing yoga when I was 17, when I took a class at our local community school. It was held in a gym, not a studio. There wasn't any bells and whistles, just plain yoga.
As a result, a lot of what makes yoga popular today is whipped cream to me.
My personal belief is that everyone needs to practice yoga-and if that happened, the world would be a much better place.
It was from this on the mat perspective that made me want to read Poser. I really wanted to like this book, I did. I wanted to. The author seemed like someone who would make a good friend.
I can totally relate to the wellspring of emotions asanas can release. I remember not that long ago, being in camel pose (you are kneeling and reaching in a back bend for your heels) and just wanting to sob. No reason, except muscle and fascia are tight in many people because of memory. You release that tension and so goes that memory.
There is a poignant vignette in Poser, where the author is in cobbler's pose and she recalls her daughter's birth and NICU stay. I have had instances where yoga reveals things to me I wasn't aware of or conscious of.
When my practice is strong, I am definitely more aware of my world. I feel more connected, grounded, with the whole universe.
I related to the mom-petion she endured. Although not as bad or blatant in south Dakota as in Seattle, there is still a lot of attempted one upmanship. Claire (since she could be part of my social circle) struggled to be the perfect parent and do it all.
I completely relate.
I did struggle with her retelling of her mother hooking up with Larry and destroying her childhood family. I struggled with trying to find her mother as a sympathetic figure, and to understand the motivation for what she did.
There were obvious repercussions for the daughter.
The other thing I found troubling was as the book hurtled forward, the more marginalized her husband Bruce was. He started off as a looming figure. Page by page, his presence shrunk.
The more I read, the more I realized the book was less about yoga and more about relationships. The subtitle of the book is "My Life in 23 Poses", which sums it up-life, with poses as a backdrop.

Photo of the author is from here: http://writingismydrink.com/2011/01/25/drink-sits-down-with-claire-dederer-author-of-poser/, which features a great interview with her!

All By Myself

I have a confession to make: I hate cleaning the house with an audience. It probably goes back to my childhood, being told by my Grama that I missed a spot. I just like to do it & be left alone.
Many years ago, I checked a book out of my local library called "Do I Dust or Vacuum First". It was all about home organization and cleaning. A certain big man thought it was both hilarious and sad that I had to read a book on something that came naturally to most women.
Apparently when they were handing out cleaning skills, I must have been off reading a book or hiking a trail or doing basically anything else but waiting in line. Cleaning doesn't come naturally to me apparently.
After all, I had to read a book to learn.
I do know that I don't particularly enjoy having people watch me clean. Its as if they are scoring me, because that's what my Grama used to do. I could have done a bang up job & shed be like the Russian ice skating judge, finding flaws.
I also like listening to my music. Loud. It helps motivate me and keep me positive. I like using my choice of cleaning products. I don't like chemically smelling products, they turn my stomach and actually make me light headed.
My system of cleaning has also been the subject of ridicule over the years. I subscribe to the fly lady system, which I discovered on the Martha Stewart boards when I was planning my wedding. My favorite part is setting the timer for 15 minutes, because you can do anything for that length of time. It's helped me overcome that overwhelmed feeling when approaching a big task. I know that when that timer goes off, I can walk away for 15 minutes and regroup or keep going.
Then there is the matter of perception. I guess there are times that I think things are clean and organized, but others don't. There is nothing like spending an hour busting your butt to do something to be greeted with a "really? You call that clean?" nothing like popping your balloon.
Working full time, plus working more than part time at church as well as teaching eats into my time. When I was at home, up to five years ago, I was able to do a lot more. Detailed cleaning-like the grout-was done more frequently, just because I had both the time and energy. Now, sometimes it's a struggle to keep up with the maintenance stuff, like cleaning up after dinner or sweeping my kitchen floor. I do my best, but there are times when I'd rather take a nap or read a book than scrubbing the bath tub. Don't get me wrong, the cleaning still gets done, it's just on my schedule than anyone else's.
Currently in my cleaning toolbox I have:
Swifter wet & dry for the tile floors
Swifter duster
Just a note on the swifter stuff: the cleaning people in my building at work use them.
Wood for good furniture polish (I love this smell!)
Method bathroom cleaner
Mrs. Meyers lemon verbena counter top spray
Bon ami scrubbing powder
Mr Clean magic eraser

If you are like me, you probably need some help to learn how to clean. My original manual is no longer in print, but there are other options out there. One is the Fly Lady's book, Sink Reflections. I love her system, but everything in her book is on her website, for free.
There are a lot of blogs that feature great tips and ideas. One is I Heart Organizing (http://iheartorganizing.blogspot.com/?m=1). Another is Organized Mom (http://www.organizedmom.net/category/blog/). I also read
House of Smiths http://www.thehouseofsmiths.com/?m=1
Simple Mom http://simplemom.net/
Blue Eyed Bride http://blueeyedbride.com/
And Life as A Mom
http://lifeasmom.com/
These blogs are all inspiring for me to keep at the cleaning and organizing to have a happy home.

Blasphemous Rumours

Today's Friday Reads is Lamb by Christopher Moore. It's a seasonal choice, for obvious reasons. Before I am accused of Blasphemy for suggesting this title, read the book. There are numerous scenes that are wildly inappropriate (Biff & the kama sutra, for one) but there are others that remind us of Christ's humanity.
Jesus laughed, cried and ate meals with his friends. He slept, got mad and probably, as a child, got in trouble. Lamb takes the theme of Jesus' humanity and runs with it.
I always thought that Jesus had a good sense of humor. He probably needed it to deal with the disparate personalities He encountered in His ministry. The demands from people for Him to heal them must have been unreal, and sometimes the best way to deal with stress is to laugh.
It's an irreverent story. It's not meant to be (pun intended) Gospel truth. It's a work of fiction, and it is quite an enjoyable one.
From http://contemporarylit.about.com/od/fiction/fr/lamb.htm
Here is a brief synopsis:
Our story begins with the narrator, Levi bar Alphaeus, who is called Biff, meeting the Savior as a boy in the streets of Nazareth, where the son of God is resurrecting lizards, just for fun. Joshua (Moore reminds us that "Jesus" is a Greek translation of his name) and Biff become best pals, a dynamic duo of which Joshua is the earnest and good-hearted half, and Biff, the source of much mirth and more than a little mischief. They are like any other pair of good Nazarene boys - studying the Torah, arguing over who gets to play Moses and who Pharoah, and occasionally smiting one another in the eye. Their childhood is of course peppered with unique occurances as well - omens, prophecies, minor healing miracles, and the arrival in town of Mary from Magdala, who the boys simply call Maggie, and for whom they both develop a boyhood crush.
Lamb really picks up when Biff and Joshua leave Nazareth to seek out Balthasar, Gaspar, and Melchior, the three Magi who foretold the coming of the Messiah and were present at his birth. Along the way, the two boys have more than their fair share of adventures involving bandits, Yeti, and hundreds of blood-thirsty followers of Kali, the Hindu Goddess of destruction. Amidst all of this Joshua and Biff travel along the Silk Road to China and later to India and along the way learn the tenets of Confucianism, Taoism, and Buddhism; Joshua also studies yoga, and Biff, the Kama Sutra.

But all good things must come to an end, and when Biff sees the image of Joshua's mother Mary in a water stain on the side of a temple wall, they know it's time to return to Nazareth. The storyline becomes familiar at this point - Joshua picks up an entourage of disciples, performs public miracles, is persecuted by the Pharisees, and is, well... you don't want me to spoil it for you, do you?

I highly recommend this book if you enjoy hilarious, irreverent writing. Moore is a brilliant story teller, and the story holds up as much today as it did when I read it as a Borders store manager 10+ years ago.

Coin Operated Boy

It's been a long time since I've included a Friday reads post. Almost too long! I've been reading, just not writing about it as much.

One of my favorite authors is Neil Gaiman. I was introduced to his work with Stardust, when I worked at Borders. I admit that I don't read a lot of fiction, but I was utterly transfixed by his turn of a phrase.

As a result, I was eager to read American Gods when it came out a few years later. It is a very different story, equally brilliant, and a highly recommended must read book. It's a retelling of old world pantheism, and it's a combination love story/action and adventure and inspirational tale.

As a sort of sequel to American Gods, Anansi Boys, tells the story of love, lust and grief. In the end, Gaiman's characters do the right thing, despite twists and turns in life. While some of the events and scenes are rough, there is an underlying morality to his work.


Perhaps Gaiman's best known work is Coraline, which was made into a movie. It is a cautionary tale of be careful of what you wish for, because it just might come true. It is actually a juvenile book, which those who only saw the movie might find surprising. The fact that Coraline is a kick butt shero is another beautiful layer to the story.

Gaiman has long been friends with Tori Amos, who is one of my favorite artists. He wrote the sweet Blueberry Girl in honor of her daughter, his godchild. Little Man and I really enjoyed Crazy Hair a few years ago, that thoroughly entertained and enthralled.

It is a rare author that can write both adult and child stories without pandering and with quality. Gaiman can do both. I can't pick one book to showcase, as all of his work are equally brilliant and stand alone. I like to think he is a continuation of
the fine British tradition of wry sic-fi/fantasy like CS Lewis, JRR Tolkein and Douglas Adams. The themes of love, redemption and morality run deep in all of their works. However I am not a literary critic, just a fan.

Sweetest Thing

I've had so many blessings in my life lately and for that I'm incredibly grateful. The goodness is continuing with a new project coming out this Tuesday.
My new book, Bliss, will be available for digital download on the Nook (www.bn.com) for $6.99. It's a guidebook to following your bliss, which if you are a regular visitor to Mommydom, you know is my mission.

Paper back Writer

I have been a reader for as long as I can remember. One of my most prized possessions as a child was my library card. Favorite thing to do? Go to the library & load up on books! I was (and still am) a voracious reader. As I grew up, I began reading harder & harder books to the point I got my adult library card in the 5th grade. That was my passport to new adventures.
To this day, I read a book a week on average. When we moved here, I joked that they needed to add another librarian to keep up with my reading habits.
Then my mother moved here. She reads 6-8 of her silly little mysteries each week.
My mother in law, prior to getting a nook, had a suitcase dedicated to books.
The little man also loves to read. Each week, as part of his homework, he is supposed to read 100 minutes each week. Each week, he well exceeds it. It makes my heart sing that he can let himself be transported to a whole new world.
One of Friday night rituals is to go to Barnes & Noble, and enjoy the time looking at books & magazines. I go to the cafe, get a chai & stacks of my British magazines, crafting ones and a few cooking ones. Little man reads, and reads and reads. We usually leave with several books for his shelf, and I will never say no to reading.
Right now, he is obsessed with Captain Underpants, which is definately targeted at his demographic! You can read more about the series at Dav Pilkey's website:
http://www.pilkey.com/
Another series of books the Little Man loves are the Bad Kitty books by Nick Breul. We have our own Krazy Kat, whom would be right at home with Bad Kitty! More at Bad Kitty's corner on the web:
http://badkittybooks.squarespace.com/
Little Man is pretty much Star Wars obsessed. He loves the movies, the lego sets and the video game. Now we have started reading the books. There are a lot of novelizations out there-from the movie plot lines, to the clone wars and beyond. Scholastic has a great introduction to the books on their website, found here:
http://www.scholastic.com/starwars/
Even though we are beyond picture books on an ability level, there are some that are still pretty cool to read. The other day at Childs Play Toys, we found one such title: Punk Farm. Hilarious & artfully illustrated, it may wind up under our Christmas tree.
http://www.punkfarm.com/
The other series Little Man loves are the Bad Dog Marley. It is basically Marley & Me for kids, so it's obvious I was all over it. In fact, to this day, little Man's two favorite bedtime books are Bad Dog Marley and A Very Marley Christmas.
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/bad-dog-marley-john-grogan/1100239146
Little Man is also obsessed with the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series. He even told me about the new book coming out! I admit, I am the least intimately acquainted with these books out of all that he reads as the Big Man & he have their own mutual appreciation society.
http://www.wimpykid.com/
My son loves legos almost as much as he loves his hot wheels. We have several design encyclopedias, along with tons of legos in our house (he loves to build!). Now there is a new series that combines his two loves: building & books.
http://www.brickset.com/search/?query=brickmaster
My new favorite book for him are the doodles for dinner books:
http://www.uncommongoods.com/product/doodles-at-dinner
It's always exciting for my son to discover new books and continue his love of reading!

All the Small Things

I love to read books that transport me to a different place. It's like the holographic deck on star trek...you are seemingly there. The book, the God of Small Things was one of those books that took me to a different place and inserted me into the story.
The writing made me feel as if I was in a front row seat, watching the story unfold in front of me. I could smell the pickle factory; the spices and sweat. I could imagine reaching out and touching Baby's flowers. I feel Estha's shame over his encounter with orange drink lemon drink man. The masterful writing put me in the car on the way to the airport as it is surrounded by protesters.
The book's biggest flaw is it not being told chronologically. The story flits back & forth in time and place. That drove me bonkers as I had to go back and re read things after I had put the book down.



From wikipedia:

The story primarily takes place in a town named Ayemenem or Aymanam now part of Kottayam in Kerala state of India. The temporal setting shifts back and forth from 1969, when fraternal twins Rahel and Estha are seven years old, to 1993, when the twins are reunited at age 31. Much of the story is written in a viewpoint sympathetic to the seven-year-old children. Malayalam words are liberally used in conjunction with English. Prominent facets of Kerala life that the novel captures are Communism, the caste system, and the Keralite Syrian Christian way of life.

This plot summary places the events in chronological order, though the novel shifts around in time.

Without sufficient dowry for a marriage proposal, Ammu Ipe becomes desperate to escape her ill-tempered father (Pappachi) and bitter, long-suffering mother (Mammachi). Finally, she convinces her parents to let her spend a summer with a distant aunt in Calcutta. To avoid returning to Ayemenem, she marries a man who assists managing a tea estate (who she later discovers to be a heavy alcoholic, who beats her and attempts to prostitute her to his boss so that he can keep his job). She gives birth to two children, dizygotic twins Estha and Rahel, but ultimately leaves her husband and returns to live with her mother and brother, Chacko, in Ayemenem.

Also living at the house is Pappachi's sister: Baby Kochamma (Kochamma is an honorific name for a female). As a young girl, Baby Kochamma fell in love with Father Mulligan, a young Irish priest who had come to Ayemenem to study Hindu scriptures. In order to get closer to him, Baby Kochamma became a Roman Catholic and joined a convent against her father's wishes. After a few lonely months in the convent, Baby Kochamma realized that her vows brought her no closer to the man she loved. Her father eventually rescues her from the convent and sends her to America for an education, where she obtains a diploma in ornamental gardening. She remains unmarried for the rest of her life, her unrequited love for Father Mulligan turning to bitterness. Throughout the book, Baby Kochamma delights in the misfortune of others and manipulates events to bring down calamity upon Ammu and the twins.

While studying at Oxford, Chacko fell in love and married an English woman named Margaret. Shortly after the birth of their daughter Sophie Mol (Mol meaning "little girl"), Margaret reveals that she had been having an affair with another man. They divorce and Chacko, unable to find a job, returns to India. After the death of Pappachi, Chacko returns to Ayemenem and takes over his mother's business, called Paradise Pickles and Preserves.









When Margaret's second husband is killed in a car accident, Chacko invites her and Sophie to spend Christmas in Ayemenem. On the way to the airport to pick them up, the family (Chacko, Ammu, Estha, Rahel, and Baby Kochamma) encounters a group of communist protesters. The protesters surround the car and force Baby Kochamma to wave a red flag and chant a communist slogan, humiliating her. Rahel thinks she sees Velutha, an untouchable servant that works in the pickle factory, in the crowd. Velutha's alleged presence with the communist mob makes Baby Kochamma associate him with her humiliation at their hands, and she begins to harbor a deep hatred towards him.

The day before Margarget and Sophie arrive, the family visits a theater to see "The Sound of Music", where Estha is molested by the "Orangedrink Lemondrink man", a beverage vendor. His fear stemming from this encounter factors into the circumstances that lead to the tragic events at the heart of the narrative.

Velutha is an untouchable (the lowest caste in India), a dalit. His family has been working for the Ipe family for generations. Velutha is an extremely gifted and accomplished carpenter and mechanic. His skills with repairing the machinery make him indispensable at the pickle factory, but result in resentment and hostility from the other, touchable factory workers.

Rahel and Estha form an unlikely bond with Velutha and come to love him, despite his untouchable status. It's her children's love for Velutha that causes Ammu to realize her attraction to him and eventually, she comes to "love by night the man her children love by day". They begin a short-lived affair that culminates in tragedy for the family.

When her relationship with Velutha is discovered, Ammu is locked in her room and Velutha is banished. In her rage, Ammu blames the twins for her misfortune and calls them the "millstones around her neck". Distraught, Rahel and Estha decide to run away. Their cousin Sophie Mol convinces them to take her with them. During the night, while trying to reach the abandoned house across the river, their boat capsizes and Sophie drowns.

When Sophie's body is discovered, Baby Kochamma goes to the police and accuses Velutha of being responsible for Sophie's death. She claims that Velutha attempted to rape Ammu, threatened the family, and kidnapped the children. A group of policemen hunt Velutha down and savagely beat him for crossing caste lines. The twins witness this horrific scene and are deeply affected.

When the twins reveal the truth of Sophie's death to the Chief of Police, he is alarmed. He knows that Velutha is a communist, and is afraid that the wrongful arrest and beating of Velutha will cause unrest amongst the local communists. He threatens to hold Baby Kochamma responsible for falsely accusing Velutha. To save herself, Baby Kochamma tricks Rahel and Estha into accusing Velutha of Sophie's death. Velutha dies of his injuries.

Hearing of his arrest, Ammu goes to the police to tell the truth about their relationship. The police threaten her to make her leave the matter alone. Afraid of being exposed, Baby Kochamma convinces Chacko that Ammu and the twins are responsible for his daughter's death. Chacko kicks Ammu out of the house. Unable to find a job, Ammu is forced to send Estha to live with his father. Estha never sees Ammu again, and she dies alone and impoverished a few years later.

After a turbulent childhood and adolescence in India, Rahel goes to America to study. While there, she gets married, divorced and finally returns to Ayemenem after several years of working dead-end jobs. Rahel and Estha, both 31-years old, are reunited for the first time since they were children. In the intervening years, Estha and Rahel have been haunted by their guilt and grief-ridden pasts. Estha is perpetually silent and Rahel has a haunted look in her eyes. It becomes apparent that neither twin ever found another person who understands them in the way they understand each other. The twin's renewed intimacy ultimately culminates in them sleeping together

I Want it All

I have been a Stephen King fan going back to my youth. He came to speak at my college freshman year, and despite his Yankee lumberjack appearance, he was a bewitching speaker-talking about the art of writing. He certainly is a master of his craft, as being a New York Times best selling author for nearly 40 years.

One my favorite books by him is Needful Things. It came out when I was in my early 20’s and starting to forge my own life. At the time I was at a personal crossroads. It was in the days before I had met the Big Man. I was dating someone who was for wont of a better term, a psychic vampire. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, and I was looking to forge my own path. I was shedding my old skin and looking forward to the future. I was also determining what my values were and what was truly important to me.

I picked up the book at the library and determined that it was a good train book (I was right, the 24 hours it took me to finish it). The plot is simple: the store, Needful Things, opens in Castle Rock, Maine. It is an antique shop of sorts-the type you find all over New England. The only difference is that this store sells you something that you desire, that you covet, that you feel that your life isn’t worth much with out. Eventually, the truth comes out and destroys the town.

It brings to mind the commandment: thou shall not covet.

What a hard one to keep, especially in today’s society. I know that there are things that I felt I could not live without-those boots, that dress, that book, that phone…sometimes they do make my life better (in the case of my phone) and sometimes they get shunted to the back of the closet with everything else out of style. I try to not want things excessively and live a material life, but believe you me its hard, with a capital H. I am trying to raise kids that don’t have a case of the gimmes, but again hard, hard, hard. Especially with teenagers-having the right jeans or hoodie or shoes makes a huge difference.

I can go one better. I coveted another person’s life for the longest time. I wanted to be married and a mom. I wanted the house and the yard. I wanted the whole domestic thing wrapped up in a Martha Stewart bow. When it wasn’t happening in the order and at the speed I wanted it to, it was discouraging at best. I did make the conscious choice however, not to turn bitter. Bitterness would only make a bad situation worse. I chose the path of light.

In Needful Things, not all the characters chose the path of light. Some decide to hurt others-emotionally, physically and mortally wound. Others hurt themselves. Some do both. I remember back a while ago when there were a rash of killings in NYC over jackets and sneakers and other material things. It was so sad that many young lives were lost over Air Jordans or a puffy coat. Again, it was a needful thing that someone coveted. They felt that couldn’t live without it, so basically, in exchange for it, they gave up their soul. It might not be like Leland Grant’s valise, but the metaphor holds. I have stopped short of selling my soul for something, but I know the ache of wanting-needing-something so badly that it is possible that the thought might cross your mind. Dealing with infertility, you want a child so desperately that you would consider almost anything to make that happen.

Or wanting a relationship that is thrilling or fulfilling.

Or good health.

There are so many things we can want that we might make a rash, life altering decision for.

I want it all and I want it now.

Pet Semetary

I first read Pet Semetary when it came out, many years ago and it was a pretty darn scary book at the time. I re-read when I was recovering from surgery in 2001 and it was still scary. Like most movies made from Stephen King’s books, it was pretty silly and not even remotely as terror inducing as the book was. It did, however, have a great theme done by the Ramones-the aptly titled, Pet Semetary (I Don’t Want to be Buried in a).


I came across my old journals the other day. In there was a review of Pet Semetary, and a scant outline of a potential essay on its main themes of love, loss and grief.

I don’t think I fully understood the magnitude of Louis and Rachel’s grief over the loss of their son Gage when I read the book so many years ago. It was prior to myself embarking on parenthood myself, and becoming a parent is a game changer. I can’t imagine life without the little man, as Gage’s parents must now comprehend and navigate the new normal. And then there were three.

What would you do for love? Meat Loaf asked that rhetorical question during his early 90’s comeback. Would you go to the ends of the earth? Would you lay down your life for someone else? Would you resurrect them from the dead?

Louis was so beyond grieving for his dead son that he did just that-despite the dire warnings of his neighbor, Jud. Louis could not see beyond his own sadness, and was so far removed from the grief of his own wife. While it was poignant and well intentioned, the outcome was pretty gruesome.

So it goes with real life love and relationships. Sometimes they are just dead. There is nothing more to them, from ashes they came and to ashes they shall return, as if one was holding a funeral for the love that died. No matter how much one might want to will that relationship back to life, there is an element of danger. If it did get a second chance, more than likely it wouldn’t be the same. It may look the same, but it has changed and there’s no going back to how it once was.

Grief is a funny mistress. There are things that she does that make an otherwise rational, down to earth person go around the proverbial bend.

Who's Afraid of the Dark?

I had a myomectomy in January, 2001 and wound up being laid up for 6 weeks post op. I had a lot of free time on my hands, and I spent some of it reading, since doing a lot else really hurt.


So, I read. A lot. I decided I was going to re-read Stephen King, I had just finished reading On Writing prior to my surgery, which is almost as fascinating glimpse into the craft as Danse Macabre was years earlier. Stephen King gave a lecture at my school my freshman year in college, and he was quite fascinating. He wasn’t as creepy or scary in person as I was expecting him to be, he looked like a stereotypical Yankee from Maine, which he is.

I digress. King’s oevre was too much to complete during my recovery, despite me being a fast reader. I settled on a few favorites, and I delved into a very warped twisted mind.

The first book I read was Christine, which coincidentally enough, was the original Stephen King novel I read back in 7th grade at Bonneville Junior High. My English teacher Mrs. Nelson was not approving but tolerated me reading horror. Christine is the story of a 1958 Plymouth Fury that seems to be the devil’s car. Strange things happen around the car, and its teenage owner Arnie. The car seems to repair and regenerate itself, and is capable of murder. The other neat thing was there were car related song lyrics at the start of each chapter, and one was from my favorite song at the time: Brand New Cadillac by the Clash, from London Calling.

The next on the list was Salem’s Lot. I have to admit that I found it scarier and creepier when I was younger; it might also have been because I read the book prior to seeing the awful made for TV movie. Basically, it’s a town in Maine who is infected by vampires and how two men fight them off…the usual vampire story arc.

I then moved onto Pet Semetary. When it was made into a movie, the Ramones did the theme song for it, and that alone is worth the price of admission. It is basically a tale of love and loss, especially the loss of a child. Its pretty heavy material for a horror novel, but nonetheless, with King’s storytelling mastery, it works. My heart aches for the decisions that Louis makes in resurrecting not only his son but his wife, and the decisions made out of love that we all have to live with.

One of the most frightening tales that King wrote was It. I think it was one of his most overtly gory stories, with a lot of graphic descriptions of the violence taking place. I have never looked at clowns the same way again, thanks to Pennywise. It was a great discussion point of what is your greatest fear, which prompted a lot of journal entries.

Next up was the Tommyknockers. There is a lot of metaphor and allegory in the novel-most notably substance abuse and nuclear radiation. King’s best writings I think are his horror novels, this was a hybrid between both science fiction as well as standard horror.

The final book I read during my recovery was the Girl who Loved Tom Gordon. If you are unaware of who Tom Gordon is, you need to google him. He only recently retired from baseball; at the time the novel was published, he was the closer for the Boston Red Sox. He was masterful, and enjoyed a long career as a closer and long reliever. In the book named after him, he gives ambition and solace to a young girl lost in the woods. As hours turn to days, Trisha wanders, comforted by baseball, a steely resolve and determination to survive.

All in all, after all these years-and all these books, Stephen King still remains one of my favorite authors. His stories, while scary, are modern day fairy tales.

I would walk 500 miles

When I was a little girl, I was active in girl scouts. That was my first exposure to hiking, camping and all sorts of outdoorsy stuff. My family was most certainly not into that sort of thing. To them, roughing it was Motel 6 and a manual can opener. Their idea of hiking was parking away from the door to the mall.
Then, there's me.
Living in Utah as a teen, I had a lot of opportunities to hike. There were many trails that were easily accessible and varied in level. One of my favorites was Donught Falls in Big Cottonwood Canyon. It's a relatively easy hike, and the end result is just spectacular. You end up at this multilevel waterfall that is fascinating. Secret lake was a close second. The trail is surrounded by wildflowers and it's a relatively easy hike. By Brighton Ski resort, there are numerous trails that bring you to a variety of mountain lakes, and boast beautiful alpine scenery & animals.
I also had the opportunity to hike the Grand Canyon, dragging my aunt (not a hiker) along on the Cape Royal Trail. It offered some spectacular views of the canyon.
Later on that same trip, I had her hike the Watchman and Cascade Falls trails at Zion and Mossy Cave and Queens Garden at Bryce Canyon.
To paraphrase Queen Victoria, we were not amused.
When I moved back to NJ in high school, and had the benefit of driving, I used to go to the Ramapo Reservation in Mahwah. The trail itself is about 10 miles for the complete loop, but so worth it! Between Hawk Rock (scenic overlook) and the ruins of old homes, it's an awesome way to spend an afternoon.
I was fortunate to go to college in the White Mountains of NH. Franconia was a short car ride away from campus and it truly is a hiker's paradise. Aratheusa Falls in particular was a favorite. I also challenged myself with Mt Flume and Mt Liberty, all also in Franconia.
There is something about communing with nature, on a trail, where you are (somewhat) off the beaten path. It's especially relevant if you start and finish in a paved parking lot.
One day, I'd like to hike the Appalachia Trail (I probably would never be able to do it as a through hiker). I worked with a former teacher at Borders who was hiking the trail in stages. 11 years ago, he had a small section left and I would like to think he had finished.
Around this time, I read Bill Bryson's A Walk in the Woods. If you are familiar with Bryson's work, he is extremely funny and has a way to make an encounter with the most dull person entertaining.
A Walk in the Woods is the narrative of Bryson and his out of shape, recovering alcoholic friend attempting to thru hike. Neither one have much hiking or outdoors experience, so the fact that they are attempting this is a testament to either courage or stupidity. Or both.
I find Bill Bryson funny; not as uproarious as David Sedaris, but really funny. I think A Walk in the Woods is one of his finest literary achievements.
I laughed myself silly reading about his preparations for the hike (and the fact his traveling companion shows up with a suitcase of Snickers bars).
The book is not a travel guide (although there are some parts that serve that purpose) nor is it a how to hike book. It is a memoir, and definitely a great read.
Who knows, it might inspire you to walk 500 miles or 2100 miles.

Besame Mucho

I had resisted all the urges and temptations to read this book for a very long time. After the glowing reviews and the fact that it seemed very Oprah approved earned it an automatic disqualification.

I was wrong.

While Elizabeth Gilbert
 
 

is able to take time off from her life and not have to worry about mortgages, health insurance and groceries to do some navel gazing, it is a very inspiring read. I got to live vicariously through her and her adventures (and sometimes, misadventures). My favorite part of the book was her time in Italy.
 
 

 
 I could so imagine all that happening in my mind’s eye. There are times in my life when I think about running away halfway around the globe, and be self indulgent, but in reality, I could never do that. I guess I just think about my family too much and could never be away that long.

shie shoji

The novel begins with an introductory note by the fictional translator, a New York University professor named Jakob Haarhuis, who is the fictional author of the novel and has interviewed the retired geisha Nitta Sayuri. She narrates in a flashback format with continuous references to the time between her career and the present.Born Sakamoto Chiyo into the poverty-stricken fishing village of Yoroido on the coast of the Sea of Japan, she is sold into an okiya (a geisha boarding house) in Gion, the most prominent hanamachi (geisha district) in Kyoto when she is nine years old.
 Her mother is dying of what she suspects is bone cancer, and her father is very old and also believes death is coming. To Chiyo's dismay, her older sister Satsu is not sold into the Nitta okiya with her. Determined to run away, Chiyo remains in the okiya to begin training as a geisha, along with another young girl her age living in the same okiya, whom she (and everyone else) has nicknamed Pumpkin. The okiya is run by three women: the elderly and grumbling Granny, the money-obsessed Mother, the okiya's mistress, and Auntie, a failed geisha who trained alongside Mother as her "sister" and the only one of the three who is generally nice to Chiyo.

It also houses just one geisha, the malicious Hatsumomo, who is also one of the most popular in Gion. Everyone is willing to overlook her cruelty (in particular towards Chiyo) because she serves as breadwinner for them, and Hatsumomo even uses Chiyo to her personal benefit, at one time blackmailing her by withholding her sister Satsu's whereabouts. She makes Chiyo swear her loyalty to her, letting her take the blame for a ruined kimono and even accusing her of stealing a brooch. These add to Chiyo's debts considerably, on top of the fees paid for her acceptance into the okiya, her lessons and food among others. This only strengthens Chiyo's desire to leave, and she manages to find her sister, who has been sold as a prostitute and is also desperate to run away. Days before her escape, however, Mother learns (from Chiyo) that Hatsumomo has been hosting a boyfriend in the okiya for some time now – something that is forbidden among geisha – and the okiya doors are locked at night as a consequence. Chiyo decides to escape via the roof, but fails and ends up breaking her arm, as well as immediately ceasing to be a geisha-in-training for dishonoring her okiya, reduced to being a maid.A few years after this, Chiyo, crying in the street, is noticed by a man whom she immediately never forgets, giving her his handkerchief and money to buy shave ice.

Despite the change being enough to facilitate her escape once and for all, she donates it to the Gion Shrine, praying to become a geisha in the hopes of seeing him again. Several years pass and Pumpkin becomes a geisha on her own under Hatsumomo's tutelage, while Chiyo remains a maid. However, she is unexpectedly taken in as a protégé by Mameha, the owner of the kimono Hatsumomo previously made Chiyo ruin and one of the very top geisha in all of Japan. Mameha persuades Mother to reinvest into Chiyo's training, and Chiyo becomes the geisha Sayuri, with Mameha as her "older sister" (mentor).After she embarrasses Hatsumomo in a joke during an informal party, the latter uses her influence to sabotage Sayuri by spreading rumors and trailing her and Mameha from party to party. Mameha insists that she must create a plan to keep Hatsumomo out forever lest Sayuri's career ultimately die, and so arranges for her mizuage (portrayed as a deflowering "ceremony" for maiko as a step to becoming full-fledged geisha) to be bidden upon by several influential men, namely Nobu Toshikazu, the president of the Iwamura Eletric Company in the novel; and reputed mizuage specialist "Dr. Crab", dubbed so by Sayuri due to his appearance. From Sayuri's point of view, the Chairman does not recognize her, but treats her with kindness; and as he is Nobu's business partner with a relationship known across the country, he would never bid against him for her mizuage.

Unfortunately, Hatsumomo somehow learns that Mameha has something going on (although Sayuri herself is still unaware at this point of the plan), and ruins the image Dr. Crab has of her. It takes some amount of convincing from Mameha and Sayuri's combined efforts to enlighten Dr. Crab on this matter. Ultimately, he wins the bid for Sayuri's mizuage, paying a record sum that is enough to more than repay all of Sayuri's debts to Mother. This leads the latter, who had already been considering adopting Pumpkin as her heiress, to adopt Sayuri instead, ultimately destroying the two girls' friendship – Pumpkin was looking forward to the adoption so that she could have some kind of security in her old age. Hatsumomo, on the other hand, starts to spiral downward, now that she is no longer in favor, and is eventually thrown out of the okiya.Nobu, on the other hand, bids to become Sayuri's danna (principal patron with a role akin to a husband), but loses to an army general. This, Mother believes, is because of the current political climate – Japan is on the brink of entering World War II. When the war breaks out, Sayuri is evacuated to another city to work in the factories. This is as good as a death sentence, as the factories require hard labor and are targets for bombs. Also, subsequently, the General is demoted and is unable to use any influence to send Sayuri to a safer spot. However, help unexpectedly arrives in the form of Nobu, who sends her far north to a kimono maker. Nonetheless, Sayuri and those close to her must endure a life of hard labor during the war that follows. After the end of the war, Nobu visits Sayuri and asks that she return to Gion, whose doors have opened again, to help entertain the new Deputy Minister Sato, whose aid can be instrumental in saving Iwamura Electric, the company the Chairman founded and Nobu runs, which was all but destroyed during the war.Sayuri, Mameha and Pumpkin entertain the Minister together regularly. Some time after, Nobu formally begins proposals to become Sayuri's danna, leaving her in despair because this would mean the end of any hopes to a relationship with the Chairman. On a weekend trip to the Amami Islands with Iwamura Electric, Sayuri devises a plan to humiliate herself with the Minister in front of Nobu, who, she is sure, will never forgive her for being with the Minister (whom Nobu despises despite his need of help from him). She arranges for Pumpkin to bring Nobu to a place where he will "stumble" upon Sayuri and the Minister making love. However, Pumpkin still harbors resentment towards Sayuri's adoption, and knows she is fond of the Chairman. She brings the Chairman to the theater instead of Nobu. Humiliated, Sayuri believes that her dream of being with the Chairman is lost forever, but afterwards, she receives a call to meet with Iwamura Electric. She is saddened as she anticipates meeting Nobu and discussing his patronage, but is surprised when the Chairman shows up rather than Nobu. Sayuri reveals that her acts in Amami were for personal reasons. The Chairman, in turn, expands on his feelings of debt toward and friendship with Nobu, and how he was not able to take away the woman his friend showed so much interest in. When he learned through Pumpkin that Sayuri's intention was for Nobu to see her with the Minister, he decided to tell Nobu what he had seen. The latter refuses to ever see Sayuri again, therefore freeing the Chairman to advance. She and the Chairman kiss, Sayuri's first kiss of true love.The story ends with Sayuri recounting her subsequent life with the Chairman as her danna, and her eventual retirement as a geisha.

She never freely admits that she has a son with the Chairman, but speaks of moving to New York City in order to avoid complications regarding inheritance of Iwamura Electric. The story concludes with a reflection on her life in New York and the important people in her life.