Sweet Dreams

I have had sleep issues most of my life. I used to suffer from night terrors when I was a kid, and from time to time I still have horrific nightmares. My son also has sleep problems, where he has a hard time shutting his mind down (very common with autism). Melatonin, sleepy time tea, meditation-I have tried them all with the little man to no avail. One thing that has worked for me, and has had some success for him are dream pillows.

The herbs in the pillow are similar to what are in sleepy time tea, and smelling them can help promote restful sleep.

 

Needed:

White sachet bag or muslin

Chamomile flowers

Lavender flowers

Valerian

 

Mix herbs together and put in bag/muslin. Pin inside pillowcase. Have sweet dreams

These Dreams

Last night I had the strangest dream. I dreamt that I was in some sort of dormitory or camp cabin, on a cul-de-sac in the middle of suburbia. I was there with my son, and tour buses were dropping off the belongings of others going to similar cabins on this circle. We had to pay in meat, and I chose flank steaks.

That’s not the weird part.

Henry Rollins showed up in my dream.

For those unacquainted with who Mr. Rollins is…where have you been for the last 30 some odd years??

Just kidding…he was the lead singer of Black Flag back in the day. I saw them several times in concert. One Salt Lake City show was even documented in the great band on the road memoir, Get in the Van. I’ve been a huge admirer of the fact that this guy is the total package-actor, writer, musician, spoken word-whatever he wants to do, he does. To me that is being the ultimate punk and completely cool.

So, in my dream, Hank (I guess I can call him that, since he popped up in my dream quite randomly, might I add), just kind of shows up at suburban cabin. Then, despite his intimidating stature (believe me, I’ve stood in a mosh pit directly beneath him at the Trocadero in Philly. The boy is big) and persona, he decides to give me a massage. Then he cuts and styles my hair. I wind up with this really awesome, sleek and straight bob. There is some discussion of BFF’s and being the yin to the others yang. So deep and meaningful.

All kidding aside, I have kept a dream journal for years. When I little, I suffered from night terrors and it helped when I would tell someone about them. As I grew older, they subsided, but I did continue to have vivid dreams. Sometimes, they have lingered with my like a hangover. Others have caused some issues in my waking life, because someone in my reality did something in my dream and now I am upset with those actions. I can have a recurring dream for a length of time, too.  There are folks-like Rollins-that randomly pop up, seemingly without context. I’ve tried to use a dream dictionary to make sense of it all, but nothing truly makes sense according to those. One of the first things I do when I wake up is write down my dreams (or snippets, if that’s all I can recall) in my journal.

 Its great for tracking how stress levels or illness affect my dream life. I have learned that I have incredibly vivid, bizarre dreams when I am stressed to the max or fighting off an infection; when I am at peace, less so.

Alternatively, I have also dealt with a lot of sleep issues throughout my adult life. I have a hard time shutting my mind off, and as a result, can battle insomnia from time to time. At one point in time, my doctor even prescribed sleep medications for me to use-which were worse than the insomnia. They led me to a dreamless sleep. As I work to decrease my stress levels, my bouts become fewer and further between.

I do have a pretty standard bedtime routine, which does help. It starts with a cup of sleepy time herbal tea. Next onto writing in my gratitude journal, with some gentle yoga following. About 20 minutes before I plan on sleeping, I take a melatonin pill.  I use magnesium oil on my legs and stomach, which seems to help me sleep more soundly. I put a concoction of coconut oil with peppermint on my feet along with my sock booties (I can’t stand my feet being cold). I also use a guided relaxation/meditation that I downloaded on the Omvana app. The more relaxed I am when I get into to bed, the less likely I will be blighted by insomnia.

 

Magnesium oil

1 c distilled water

1 tsp magnesium flakes (found at health food stores)

 

Mix together and add to a spray bottle. Use at bedtime

 

 

Sanctify Yourself

I'm really exhausted. Fatigue cerebrale en francais. It's not physical exhaustion, it's an emotional exhaustion. I'm really tired of swimming upstream, especially since I'm not a salmon.
Having a child with special needs, no matter how "high functioning", is hard. The levels of tired I feel from just trying to get out of the house in the morning are mind boggling. The levels of tired u feel trying to convince a willful 9 year old to do homework is staggering. Bath time and bed time battles would exhaust Job's patience.
Those drain me. Is it any wonder that the little energy I have left is parceled out sparingly. I try to keep up with the house, but it seems to explode around me. My living room has currently been overrun by hot wheels tracks. My kitchen island is occupied by a Lincoln log village. Lego vehicles are scattered about the kitchen, bathroom and the rest of the house.
My home gym/yoga studio shares it's space with the video game area. I haven't worked out all week mainly because it's a disaster down there. The prospect of tidying up is daunting, even though it should only take 15 minutes. I just can't face it in the morning.
Not to mention the playroom. I feel myself bristling going downstairs. It's frustrating because it seems the moment I clean it, it's a disaster again.
Cleaning up for a neurotypical child is a challenge. For an autistic child, it's as if you're asking them to amputate a limb. The screaming, the stomping, the meltdowns sometimes are enough for me to just wind up doing it myself. It's because I just can't take it another second, and despite wanting to teach my son the necessity of tidying up, I can't face it.
Sometimes you need to just walk away to keep the peace. So I have. Little Man has enough on his plate right now. They are doing standardized tests in 3rd grade. He has struggled all year with the fact his friends are noticing he's different. He's noticing he's different.
I can't make the world change for him. I can't wave a magic wand to make it better. If I could, I would. My house would be spotless. I'd make gourmet meals every night. We would have dance offs and sing alongs. Joy would be the overriding emotion in our house. Laughter would be heard all the time. Wed smile and snuggle and have peace. No one would be exhausted and the fatigue cerebrale would be non existent. Long walks in the moonlight, counting stars would happen all the time.
A girl can dream can't she?