Bent (redux)

I have suffered from migraines most of my adult life. I have tried pretty much everything out there to alleviate them, it seems age is doing the best out of them all. However, I have noticed that after a migraine attack, my body is sore and tight. One way to resolve that is by practicing yoga on a regular basis.

I love doing yoga. Have I ever mentioned that? Yoga is my sanity. I have noticed over the years, however, that certain poses cause me to have certain reactions. A lot of the time, there are deeply buried emotions that come bubbling to the surface and then I am forced to deal with the aftermath.


There are certain asanas that trigger emotions. For example, if I spend to much time in camel, I feel profound sadness. I mean, I can break down in tears, weeping and gnashing of teeth.

Pigeon pose brings about a feeling of anxiety. I can feel my pulse racing, and I start with that nervous twitch and sweat.

Garland pose also increases my anxiety.

Triangle causes me to remember all the things I’ve done wrong in my life.

Boat pose causes me to have an anxious stomach, and feel stressed out.

Warrior pose, while it should make me feel strong and powerful, actually gives me fits. I feel small and weak in it.

Yoga mudra reminds me that I am not perfect.

Despite all these emotions bursting the dam of perfectioness open, I continue to contort. I know that I have suppressed all these feelings until I can’t feel anymore. These asanas are a reminder of all the emoitions that have been stuffed down in my soul for years. I have been non-confrontational to myself. I’ve been numb for a long time, and I know its not healthy to do that.

The only way to resolve it is to get bent.

Over My Head

From the time I was in my early teens, I suffered from migraines. They weren’t just your run of the mill migraines either. These were the type to make you lay in a darkened room for days types of migraines. In fact, when I would get one I would wind up completely debilitated for days afterwards. To add insult to injury, some people did not understand how a headache would keep me from life, when all I needed to do is pop some aspirin.

They start with an aura or halo around everything. I have a hard time focusing my eyes. Within an hour or so I would become nauseous and sensitive to lights and sounds. My upper back and neck would become rigid and painful. I needed to lay down to keep the world from spinning like a wobbly top, a la “Inception”.

Unfortunately, there wasn’t any rhyme or reason for my migraines. Some people get them due to barometric shifts, others from stress, and another group would be due to hormonal shifts. Mine would come out of nowhere, and I could be down for the count for up to a week at a time. It was always hardest when I lived by myself, because I was self reliant. I needed to get up and get my own food and drink and feed the cat. I couldn’t count on anyone else, and it was a bit of misery. At one point, the headaches were so frequent and furious I saw a neurologist for fear of things being caused by something else. Thankfully, it wasn’t and they were “just” migraines. I wasn’t able to take any of the current migraine medications-their side effects actually made me sicker.

As I have gotten older, my migraines have lessened and lessened in their intensity after reaching a peak in my late 20’s. They are now controllable with Exedrin Migraine, and do not require days to recover. If I lay down at the outset and take the medicine, I can prevent a major attack. Since my surgery in December 2010, I have only had one real flare up, and that wasn’t even so bad.