Ready to Fly

Have you ever felt stuck? Normally when I start a new year, I am full of hope and promise. Instead I am feeling rather meh. There are a ton of reasons for this, and I could go on forever probably.
Part of it is based on conscious choices. I am making choices to slowly eliminate excess baggage: people, places, things. There's so much in my life right now that doesn't really add value, and I'm exhausted from the struggle.
After 42 years, I pretty much am who I am intrinsically. My personality isnt going to change. I will still start singing and dancing in public if I hear a song that makes me move and groove; the same today as when I was 14. I still love a good laugh. I still love clothes, shoes and purses. And scarves. And costume jewelry. I love to share my story, whether on the blog or by scrapping. I love pink. I'm a wizard in the kitchen sometimes, creating some really great things. I'm creative. I need to feel loved.
There is so much in my life that is weighing me down and keeping me from soaring to new heights.
People, places, things.
With age comes wisdom, and part of that wisdom means you need to let go of what is holding you back. If talking to someone raises your blood pressure, chances are you don't need them in your life. If being around someone makes you feel like you're choking or being smothered, avoid them as much as possible. If you make the time for people and they don't reciprocate, question the relationship. What is your motivation here? Are you getting something out of it? Or are you so entrenched in this cycle you can't change?
Sometimes, this is the intermediate spot you need to be in before you grow again.

Born This Way

For years, I never set new years resolutions. Instead, on my birthday, I'd reevaluate the past year and set goals. I didn't last year, and I can really notice the difference in my life.
There is an under current of uncertainty and drifting along that has ruled my life, and I'm really not happy about that.
It's a brand new year in my life, and time to chart a new course.
Organization has evaded me, and I'm tired of searching for things. I'm tired of clutter starting to encroach and entrench itself. It's time to put an end to it. First things first, I need to reclaim my life. I've laid so much of this groundwork with my life coach, it's now time to act.
I declare myself as CEO of my life. That means I'm ultimately in control of it all. I need to take care of me, for me. That means putting my oxygen mask on first and meeting my needs before I attempt to do that for anything else.
I also have to stop trying to please people. If they don't like me for me, they don't like me period. I can't change your mind no matter how hard I try.
I will never be like anyone else, I was born to be me. I walk, talk, look, act, laugh, cook, clean, work and do all else like me. Anything else would be a pale imitation.
I can't focus on organizing or anything really until I focus on me. Starting now...and go!

Crazy Train

There's a car commercial that uses Crazy Train in it, where there are kids singing it...anyhooo, that is a great analogy for my life right now.
Crazy Train, all aboard!
It's my blogoversary this week. Five whole years. Wowzers.
My whole reason for blogging has been in my life and part of our family for five whole years as of Thursday. It seems like forever. In a good way.
Tonight I teach vegan cooking at the Museum of Visual Materials. It's a pretty fun, easy to prepare menu that's good for you too.
Tomorrow is the last day of school, and I don't know who is more giddy-little man or me! He has a half day, and I'm surprising him by taking a half day off work too!!
Right now I'm on the deck, listening to birds and hanging with the pup. It's a beautiful moment before the chaos kicks back in again.
Rest, breathe, enjoy
Then climb back on board going down the rails.

Over My Head

From the time I was in my early teens, I suffered from migraines. They weren’t just your run of the mill migraines either. These were the type to make you lay in a darkened room for days types of migraines. In fact, when I would get one I would wind up completely debilitated for days afterwards. To add insult to injury, some people did not understand how a headache would keep me from life, when all I needed to do is pop some aspirin.

They start with an aura or halo around everything. I have a hard time focusing my eyes. Within an hour or so I would become nauseous and sensitive to lights and sounds. My upper back and neck would become rigid and painful. I needed to lay down to keep the world from spinning like a wobbly top, a la “Inception”.

Unfortunately, there wasn’t any rhyme or reason for my migraines. Some people get them due to barometric shifts, others from stress, and another group would be due to hormonal shifts. Mine would come out of nowhere, and I could be down for the count for up to a week at a time. It was always hardest when I lived by myself, because I was self reliant. I needed to get up and get my own food and drink and feed the cat. I couldn’t count on anyone else, and it was a bit of misery. At one point, the headaches were so frequent and furious I saw a neurologist for fear of things being caused by something else. Thankfully, it wasn’t and they were “just” migraines. I wasn’t able to take any of the current migraine medications-their side effects actually made me sicker.

As I have gotten older, my migraines have lessened and lessened in their intensity after reaching a peak in my late 20’s. They are now controllable with Exedrin Migraine, and do not require days to recover. If I lay down at the outset and take the medicine, I can prevent a major attack. Since my surgery in December 2010, I have only had one real flare up, and that wasn’t even so bad.