Fat Bottom Girl

I was four years old when I first found out I was fat.

It was in preschool, and this one girl who was really popular told me I couldn't play with her because I was fat. I knew that I loved painting and playing house. I liked getting muddy. I even liked the smell of Play Do. I didn't know what fat was and why it meant I couldn't play with her.  I remember telling my grandmother when she picked me up from the Y that day, in tears and confused. Is fat bad? 

It was the beginning of a sick, twisted relationship with body image. 

I felt less than others, a belief that was reinforced throughout my childhood. Even into adulthood. Even today, even though I love who I am, I still deal with vicious insecurity. I know I am more than my body, but in reality, that is what people see. 

Forty years ago, I found out, thanks to a fellow child, that society judges based on looks. No matter how liberated we pretend to be, looks still seem to matter on some level. Not everyone feels this way, thankfully, but it's a message that is pervasive. Preschoolers don't usually form those kinds of opinions on their own, so it really does start at home.

As a mom, I've raised my son to be respectful of all people because we are all children of God.

I'm not the only parent out there that does this, but there are others who don't.

Forty years ago, I was given a message that I would be judged based on my size. I wish I could say that's wrong, but it's unfortunately true. There is a segment of society that seems surprised when they see me kicking butt at the gym, lifting heavy things.

Or when I run a 5k or chase them down in a mud run. 

I've heard the snickers and felt the stares when I've taught yoga or was in a class, because I don't seem to fit the yogi stereotype. I really dislike the good for you doing something about your weight sort of cheerleading some folks think is positive self talk. 

Can I tell you a secret? I'm okay with my weight/size right now.

Yes, I'd like to get healthier, but that has to do with managing my stress, lowering my blood pressure and cholesterol and raising my metabolism. I'm not chained to the scale. I'm not chained to a clothing size. I'm focusing on raising an amazing young man and being a good wife. I'm focusing on doing good for my community and my family. Being a good person is more important than a size 2.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. (Proverbs 31:30 NIV)