Watch "Ray LaMontagne - Be Here Now" on YouTube
I will admit that I am currently struggling. I will admit that my friends death has sent me reeling. When I am upset, I eat.
And that I have.
I'm feeling fat, bloated & sad. No amount of pita chips will change the fact that my friend is dead.
No more lunches together.
No more gossip.
No more heartfelt conversations.
No more moments like the above to relish & delight in.
It's basically kicked my butt.
Lately, a lot of things have been kicking my butt. I can't seem to get it together, wrap my head around life anymore. It's just been grueling. My house is a mess. I can't seem to rise above and get things done in the evenings. I basically collapsed on the sofa last night & did nothing.
Lord have mercy.
Most of my friends know that I am a yoga afficianado, and have been for a very long time, but I've never been able to deepen into poses or really move beyond where I am right now. Part of it was feeling foolish in class, being stuck in a bit of self centeredness, and not wanting to evolve.
But mainly because I don't want to face certain feelings & emotions. When I really meditate, it brings up emotions. Most of which I don't want to deal with, might I add. Going into certain asanas dredge up the same emotions. I don't want to deal with certain feelings, so I stuff them. It's just there isn't room to stuff them anymore.
They come out, one way or another. There is nothing worse than getting into something in class & busting out into tears.
Yes, its happened to me.
One of the truths most major religions ask of their followers is to be present, to be here now. It's also one of the hardest things for me to do.
Women of God can never be like women of the world. The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity. Margaret D. Nadauld
4 comments:
Grief does tend to hit below the belt. It is not only that you lose a friend you lose part of yourself as well. Let's hope you find that missing part of yourself soon. The indelible memories of your friend should help.
It is hard to be here and now..I couldn't help looking at your wonderful photo at the top of the stage..the little boy and his dog look at peace in the moment..Jae
Sheilagh Lee said Grief kicks you to your lowest pointand it seems impossible to move on. I'm so sorry about your loss.It never seems fair that someone we love so much could be gone.Memories talking about them help them live on. In their words and deeds we let them live again and people remember they were here.
Blessings to you. A few years ago my good friend and yoga companion died. I grieved for weeks. The depth of loss stunned me, but as time passed I felt more moments of peace. You will, too.
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