Crying

One of the worst parts of yoga and meditation practice is the dredging up of suppressed emotions. The deeper I get into my practice, the more these emotions bubble to the surface. Its hard, because I suppressed them for a reason you know.

One of the emotions that has come bubbling up is this profound sadness. I am finding myself out of a clear blue sky, sobbing for no reason. Well, actually, there are reasons. There is a lot of mourning I never did when it was the season to mourn. As a result, I locked up that sadness and it stayed with me for a very long time. I am sad that things didn’t always go according to plan. I am sad that I never allowed myself the proper time to mourn my losses, no matter how insignificant they may have seemed to someone else. They mattered to me.

The other emotion that I can’t seem to get a handle on is anger. I have realized that I am a very angry person, even though I never intended to be. It rears its head when I least expect it, against those I least expect to. I was talking with a friend  who is one of the most Zen people I know, about this the other day and she told me, you have every right to be angry. Its ok to be.

What a lot of wisdom in that sentence. I do have every right to be angry. I am entitled to my anger, but I have to own it. I think it’s the fact that while I am angry, I am also incredibly frustrated.

Most of my frustration comes from the fact that in my head, I lead the perfect life. I eat healthy, I exercise daily, my house is spotless, my child is perfect and I look great. In reality if I get one out of the list, I’m doing great. I invest too much time in coveting others. Sometimes it can be inspiring

Harvest Moon

Needed:

Bread

Jelly/jam/spread/butter

Sparkling apple cider

Gold or yellow candle

Seasonal décor

 

Light candle.

 

Prayer:

On this 1^st day of August, I light a candle to celebrate the harvest

As the wheel of the year turns & the days grow shorter, I honor the seasons and thank them for the blessings & prosperity brought to me this year

I honor those who came before me and all living things on this earth

 

Have some bread and cider. Meditate on what you want to harvest in your life

 

Blow out candle, give leftovers to the earth.

By the light of the silvery moon

The waning moon is the phase following the full moon. It's divided into two phases: the waning gibbous and the waning crescent. It's considered a time of rest and restoration. During this phase, it's a good time to reflect on the past. I keep a journal and during these phases, I like to review it and see if I'm repeating a cycle or if a pattern of behavior is forming.

As the moon moves from full to new, it's time for release. It's a good time to give up bad habits. It's also perfect for ending bad relationships or walking away from toxic people. 

During the waning gibbous ( the phase after the full moon), it is the perfect time to:

review endeavors and correct mistakes. Settle disputes and make amends. A time to start taking things apart. Addictions; Divorce; Stress; Unnecessary negativity; Bad or unwanted Habits; Decision making; Emotions; Protection; Unwanted influences; Unwanted situations; Healing, banishing what shouldn’t be there; Old ways of thinking and doing things. Goals: Start work on removing obstacles. Give thanks for what has been achieved. Relates to the Harvest of the Grown Plant.

During the waning crescent you should:

Continue work from last phase. Good time to concentrate on removal of self from situations, relationships, and habits. Relates to the Storing of the Harvested Plant. A time to rid oneself of everything that is causing obstruction, to get rid of anything (or one) you know longer need. Good time for hair cuts to slow growth, dye hair, pluck eyebrows (wax ...)Time for self-analysis, rest an recuperation, meditation and readying oneself for the energies of the New Moon. The third quarter, Full Moon through Last Quarter, ideally brings illumination to the influences of the entire lunar cycle. The fourth quarter, called the "Last Quarter," is from the Moon square Sun aspect through the next New Moon. It can bring a crisis in consciousness. This cycle's experiences have culminated and one must now prepare for rebirth.

During the waning moon, I spend time in reflection as I meditate. I make lists of things I want to change and get myself prepared to set the next month's goals. During the waning crescent, I set aside time during my meditation practice to symbololically let go of what I need to.

You need:

A bowl of water

Pen & paper

Candle

Write out what you want to let go of. My list usually includes habits, emotions and (unfortunately) people (sometimes). 

When I'm done writing my list, I set it on fire and drop it into the bowl of water. I use the following from Leonie Dawson as my meditation script

We breathe and give thanks for all that has passed…
We let go and breathe releasing all that is old and no longer serves us…
We open up to the beautiful possibilities blossoming before us…
We radiate in light and joy…all is beautiful and all is well.

I watch the paper burn, and reflect on letting go of these burdens.

Gabriel's Message

One of my favorite parts of the Annuciation story is the Archangel Gabriel appearing to Mary.

Artists throughout history have depicted this miraclous event, which is a great reminder how the Divine interacts with our lives. Gabriel is the messenger angel, depicted in white light.

 

 His role is to help with all communication. He is the angel who assists with communication, journalism, writing as well as adoption, conception and fertility.

 

The crystals and gemstones most associated with Gabriel are moonstone and clear quartz

 

His angelic day is Friday

 

When I sit down to write, even when I am journaling, I say a quick prayer to Gabriel. I aso work with Gabriel when I know I have a presentation to make or if I know I need to have a conversation where I need to communicate well. Gabriel is also who I go to when I get the phone call from DSS regarding a potential foster care placement.

I love Doreen Virtue's prayer to Gabriel:

“Dear God and Archangel Gabriel, thank you for giving me the courage, focus, and motivation to write. Thank you for helping me hear true Divine messages that I can express through the written word.”

I use it whenever I work with him, with pretty awesome results. 

When I meditate on Gabriel-when I need guidance or assistance in his areas of expertise-I envision bright, white light surrounding me. I also found a great guided meditation on YouTube: http://youtu.be/KQTR37BbO4U that works well for me.

Om

I've been practicing meditation for almost 30 years now. It started as teenage rebellion, now I can't imagine my life without it. 

I have a meditation space set up in my bedroom, next to my bed. I start and end my day there. 

A few years ago, I took a kundalini workshop and it helped transform my practice. One meditation in particular has really changed my life. I do the anti stress shower every night (when I don't, I notice the difference.) it helps real ease energy and gets me ready for sleep.

The 3HO foundation has it on their website http://www.3ho.org/kundalini-yoga/pranayam/meditation-alleviate-your-stress

Posture: Sit in a comfortable meditative posture with a straight spine–chin in, and chest lifted, hands in Gyan Mudra or any other comfortable meditative mudra.

Eyes: Close your eyes and concentrate on your breath.

Breath: Inhale through the nose in 8 equal strokes. Exhale through the nose in one deep and powerful stroke.

Time: 11 minutes.

To End: Inhale deeply and hold the breath 5-10 seconds. Exhale. Inhale deeply and hold the breath 15-20 seconds and roll your shoulders. Exhale powerfully. Inhale deeply and hold the breath 15-20 seconds and roll the shoulders as fast as you can. Exhale and relax.

I use a meditation timer app on my phone, and have a meditation playlist. Just like with anything else, the more you do it, the easier it gets. When I first started meditating, I couldn't turn off the chatter in my mind. It's gotten better over the years, but sometimes it's really there. That's when I know I need meditation more than ever.

Time After Time

I have crossed oceans of time for you-Dracula to Mina

 

I remember as a little kid, watching In Search of…hosted by Leonard Nimoy, and there was an episode on reincarnation. That sparked an interest in me, and its carried on to today. I have friends who are Buddhist and Hindu, whose religious beliefs account for reincarnation. Coming out of a Christian background, that is not something that is taught as a matter of faith. In fact, the consideration that your soul may have been here before is almost forbidden.

 

I recently took a class on past life regression from Ayana Wellness, rather on a lark. I thought it sounded interesting, and it was something that I wanted to learn more about. I wasn’t quite sure what to expect, but I definitely was game. Teresa, our guide on this journey, had us start out with an exercise where we did some deep breathing and then write. I have been practicing yoga for 26 years, I can do breathing. I have been writing even longer, although I do not write a lot of fiction. I thought that this would be a piece of cake.

When I write, I can almost visualize what I am writing as its going onto the paper. I can see the words in my mind’s eye as well as what I am writing about. For example, if I am writing about walking in the woods on a snowy eve, I can picture the trees, the snow, the moonlight as well as what I want to say. During this exercise, I only saw pictures and no words, which is highly unusual. However, I was busy scribbling things down. When I was done, I apparently had a stream of consciousness piece on a schoolgirl in 1940’s London. I saw flashes of riding a bicycle down a lane, hanging laundry in a garden and giggling with girlfriends. I don’t know if this represented a past life or an over active imagination, but it was fascinating.

I did mention during the break between exercises that I can’t be hypnotized. I struggle with focus during meditation as well, and I can’t ever go “deep”. I am so jealous of people who, during meditation, have blissful experiences. I fight back the to do list, what am I going to make for dinner the next night and thinking about the temperature. I don’t usually have one of these spiritual experiences. I was not expecting to see anything other than my eyelids.

Instead, I had a very detailed experience with sight, sound and even physical pain at one point. All of these sensations corresponded to what has happening during this meditation. I will admit that it was one of the most startling, unique experiences of my life. The feelings lingered for quite a bit of time afterwards. 

Teresa mentioned that we will see people from our current life in our past lives. If what I did indeed experience was a past life regression, I was rather disappointed to not see anyone familiar. In fact, I told my husband before I left for the workshop that I was hoping that we were beloveds in a past life too and wouldn’t that be super cool. As a result, I was a little saddened that he didn’t pop up. We were given a worksheet with journaling prompts that can help us explore things more in depth and maybe resolve some issues. I can’t say for sure if I experienced a past life or if it was a writer’s imagination going wild, but it was definitely a cool experience.

Get the Balance Right

 Fall is an excellent time to restore balance, before the busyness of the holiday season sets in. I have meditated off and on since high school, but only recently have been meditating on a more regular basis. I have seen amazing health benefits and seen my stress level decrease considerably. Its even helping me lose weight (no joke!), which I think has more to do with my stress level decreasing and less than any sort of transcendental magic.

 I have decided to set up a corner in my bedroom that is my sacred space, but the beauty of meditation is it can be done anywhere (even if you’re walking). I have committed to meditate every day from the fall equinox to the winter solstice, as a chance to make a huge change in my life. I have realized that what I am currently doing is not working out so well, and I need to shake things up. Meditation is a big part of yoga practice-the savasana at the end of most classes-but my mind and body requires a lot more. I am that person when I go for a massage, I am told that I am the most tense person they have ever encountered.

I tend to hold my stress and tension in my upper back and neck. It feels like I am Atlas, literally with the weight of the world on me. I struggle with it, because I don’t know how to lay my burden down, but meditation has started to give me a tool box. By spending time outside of my ever increasing to do list, walking away from my calendar and finding my own little Zen, I have found that the tension in my back has decreased and the pain level diminished. There are a variety of ways to learn to meditate, and a variety of methods. My personal choice is through chanting (the stereotypical “om”). Sometimes I pray the rosary, other times I use other prayer beads. I chant in Sanskrit sometimes, om mani padme om. Other times, I use Pandora to play Tibetan chant or ambient music. There are dozens and dozens of guided meditation videos on you tube as well as apps for both the droid and iphone.

 

Home

I've been practicing yoga for over 25 years now. I started in high school, back when it was an exotic practice and not as common as the corner gym. The connection between my mind, body and breath was so important to me to make at that time in my life, and it's influenced me ever since.
Thanks to yoga, I am more attuned to the messages my body is sending me-aches, pains, fatigue-and it's up to me to listen. It has helped me to develop a deeper spiritual practice. For me, meditation is as important as asana (pose). Everything is interconnected through the breath.
On my yogic journey, an integral part of it has been my at home practice. Sometimes it's because I wasn't able to attend classes at a studio, other times it was size shame and even more I needed to work on something to get me through the darkness. At home practice requires discipline. It is a great way to develop consistency. It is about dedication.
But where to start?
I begin my mornings with setting an intention for the day. Sometimes it's a verse of scripture, other times its a simple word like peace or joy, other times it's a mantra connecting me to the universe. It helps you focus and ground yourself for the rest of the day.

I do a series of sun salutations to get the blood flowing.

Most days, I have a basic flow of a warrior series. My students are well aware of my love of warrior. For me, it's about connectedness-when you dig your feet into your mat, stand tall and stretch through your finger tips, opening your chest, you are a warrior. Your breath, your long lines and most importantly your focus are all one.

I've had students and others ask me what poses make up a good home practice. I structure my classes on a pyramid flow: you start with a wide base and work to an intense moment. My home practice is the same. Warrior variations working to a balancing pose, that challenges me is my particular favorite. I start standing and work my way down to a boat or camel pose.i struggle in a public setting with both of these (a former teacher used to half jokingly chide me about tightness and needing to let go) so closing my practice in the relative safety of home makes sense.

Thanks to you tube, there are literally thousands of yoga videos you can use to develop a home practice.

I always close my practice with meditation, because that's a key part of my practice. Again, if you aren't comfortable with the thought of meditation, you tube has some great resources.

Beginning a home practice isn't choosing between a studio or not, to me it's about rounding out your practice. It's a chance to build on something that you might have learned in class or working on something that at that moment was important for you.

If you've done yoga at home, leave a comment below or join in on the discussion on our Facebook page, the Mommydom Chronicles. Check out the yoga Pinterest boards that were created too by the Mommydom Chronicles.

Namaste

I Surrender All

I have been practicing yoga for over 25 years now. As time marches on, my practice has evolved, devolved and reinvented itself. That’s part of the beauty of yoga, there isn’t one right path. People come to yoga for different reasons and to receive different gifts. One main reason why I tried it in the first place was because it was exotic. Back in the late 1980’s, yoga wasn’t common place like it is today. You didn’t have a choice in studios-if you could find one. I was fortunate my local community school offered a class in yoga-not hatha or yin or vinyassa or Bikram or anasura or any of the different varieties. It was down and dirty yoga, in the school gym. Not a studio, not anything special. It was the instructor and the students.


I gained more than just poses from that class, I learned to connect my mind and body and develop awareness. For a very long time, I was completely disconnected. My brain did one thing, my body did something else and ego got in the middle all the time. As a result of savasana, I began to long for a spiritual discipline. I began to pray the Rosary (and yes, Episcopalians do). I chanted and om’ed my way through life. There were some pretty profound changes. I still wasn’t ready for complete surrender, however. Making that complete correlation between mind-body-spirit is hard work and I wasn’t ready for ishvara-pradnidhana yet. I didn’t look to what I was eating (or not eating) as part of my practice. In other words, I dealt with a lot of disordered eating: binge and starvation, yo-yo dieting, crazy diets, and never once did things stick. It was about appearance and physicality. I looked at my yoga as the physical (asanas) and the spiritual but not the intertwining of everything-mind, body, spirit.

I wasn’t ready to surrender all. Yoga, Christ, anything.

The events of this past year have led me on a path where I needed to get down to the basics of surrender. I needed to be broken down to be made whole again. The concept of ishvara-pradnidhana defined by guru Shyam Mehta is:



the final act of surrender when you say to God: "From now on, I give You my body, my mind and my heart, to do with as you please. Let me not influence what they do."It is also every action that you do in order to prepare your mind for giving away your body, mind and heart to Him.



It’s the same as when someone accepts Christ into their hearts-you are giving your power to a higher being.

I surrender all.

I have been dealing with terrible back pain off and on for years. Its musco-skeletal, and its centered in my upper back. For the past six weeks, it has been excruciating. Every night I lay on the sofa, stretching out to try to relieve it. Nothing worked-in spite of using a heating pad, my massage cushion…everything. I visited a chiropractor who advised me that I had the tightest upper back she had ever seen, despite being a practicing yogi. The adjustment helped, but she suggested that I seek out other treatments because this was muscle based, and she couldn’t adjust it away. I talked to my friend who is a holistic healer, and she suggested that I invest in myself.

Huh?

She reminded me of the old adage-garbage in = garbage out. When you fill yourself with garbage-food, thoughts, activities-you will produce garbage. I have been filling myself with garbage, as a way to avoid surrender. This all came to a head with the back pain. I couldn’t do anything on my own to relieve it, so I had to surrender and trust that God would heal it.

And you know what? It kinda worked. I’m not saying that the pain is entirely gone, but there is a level of comfort. If its psychosomatic, that’s ok because I can do more now than I was able to a few weeks ago. I began to look at what else I was stuffing away in my life, and made a list. All those emotions that I tried to hide instead of surrendering them to my Higher Power have created garbage. I had been polluting myself.

By making poor choices to fuel my body, I gained extra weight. I surrender.

By not filling my cup, I suffer from burnout. I surrender.

By not exercising and moving more, my muscles are tight. I surrender.

By not keeping up with the housework, I spend all weekend cleaning. I surrender.

By not practicing my spiritual disciple, I am stressed. I surrender.

By not resting when I needed to, I am tired. I surrender.

By not focusing on my priorities, I lost sight of them. I surrender.

By not listening to my body, mind and soul, I hurt. I surrender.

I surrender all.

Welcome to the Jungle

This past Saturday was rainy, cold, damp and dreary. I felt like I was in Seattle, not Sioux Falls. However, at East Bank Yoga, where I teach Yogi Junior, I was on safari in the jungle. We had an exciting adventure!

I start my classes out with breathing exercises. Since we were in the jungle, I decided to use Lion Breath as our focus.

The best instructions I’ve found for kids was here (http://kidsrelaxation.com/2011/06/15/lions-breath/)

Suggest: “Imagine that you are a mighty lion. You have a giant roar. Sit cross-legged and sit up tall like a proud lion. And get ready to let your roar go.”

Model: “I’m going to think of a feeling that I would like to let go, or a thought that I want to release. Now I squeeze my hands in fists, holding tight that feeling or thought and scrunch up my face getting ready to roar. I take a deep breath in and let my roar out, sticking my tongue out at the same time and stretching my arms out wide in front of me, opening my hands wide.”

Guide: “Now it is your turn. Sit up tall. Think of the feeling or thought that you would like to roar out. Scrunch that feeling or thought into your hands and pull them up tight in front of you. Now scrunch up your face tight. Take a deep breath in. And. . . ROAR!!!!! it out, sticking your tongue out and letting your arms and hand stretch out wide in front of you. Excellent!!!! Let’s try it a few more times. Really ROAR!! it out!!!!!

Then we played a game of Yogi Says. Its like Simon Says, only with yoga asanas (poses). Little Man loves playing this game at home too! The kids had so much fun.

We read Yoga for Elephants-a Babar book. I love Babar the Elephant, and those stories take me back to my child hood. While I loved the story, I don’t think that the kids were as excited about it as I was.

Our flow was all about jungle animals. We went around the room as monkeys and gorillas, swinging from vine to vine and running around. Then we did Tarzan yells, which were a big hit. Elephants washing themselves at the river, being a river rock (child’s pose), a cobra on a tree branch, giraffe (reaching for the sky from mountain pose) and tree being eaten by giraffe rounded out our menagerie.

We ended with the peace tree guided meditation from here http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-3942/3-Ways-to-Get-Your-Kids-Living-MindBodyGreen.html

Child's Meditation: As you lay down with your eyes closed, feel the coolness of the air going through your nose, filling your chest and belly. As you breathe out, feel the warmth of your breath as you exhale any sad or frustrating things that may have happened during your day. Breathe in and out softly and quietly. See yourself in your most favorite, happy place: the beach, a mountaintop, a green field, or floating on a cloud. When you get there, see yourself lying under the most beautiful, strong and gigantic Peace Tree. This Peace Tree extends its branches over you and invites you to trade your worries for peace. (With older kids, you can explain how trees give off oxygen and how oxygen is life giving. As they exhale their worries, they release toxic carbon dioxide.) You can express your worries by writing, drawing or telling it to your Peace Tree. This Tree has so much peace there is nothing you can’t share with it. After you release your concerns, see yourself being filled with peace, love and happiness. You have a huge smile on your face. Get up and dance around in your mind. Twirl, laugh, jump, fly or take a walk around your happy place. Freeze wherever you are and breathe in and out softly through your nose. Bring one hand to your heart and one hand to your belly. Say, “I am thankful for this moment.”



I handed out a really cool lion’s pose coloring sheet and some jungle animal instant animals.



Too bad it was still cold and damp when we left…

Medicine Show

I've been sick for the better part of this week. It's quite stunning because I don't get sick very often. I used to spend my winters in misery, suffering from colds that would inevitably morph into bronchitis.
I would be on antibiotics for months on end. My asthma would flare. I'd have all sorts of just feeling bad for months on end. Due to the copious amounts of pharmaceutical interventions, my stomach would be messed up and I would just feel like crud.
I made some definite lifestyle changes over the course of the last few years. Those changes I am convinced has allowed me to not get sick like I used to.
The first thing I did was to step up my yoga and meditation practice. I do my morning and evening asana practice, which I call my bookends. When I feel like I am getting the sniffles, I focus more on deeper stretches, like triangle and pigeon and camel. These open my hips and chest, and I swear my asthma has improved to the point I don't use my inhaler anymore.
I have a pandora station for my meditation practice. It's calming and beautiful. The mantra I use when I start feeling icky is hum fat swaha. You just repeat it over & over silently, and I visualize feeling healthy. At the same time I use a mudra for my hands that helps promote healing:

Put the tips of your thumb, middle and ring finger together. Do with both hands

I can't guarantee you will have the same success I have had, but it can't hurt.

I am also working on eating healthier and avoiding things that are bad for me. I get enough rest, or at least try to. Both of those make a world of difference.

Since I started eating better, I made a polar shift to wanting to use natural remedies as much as possible. I take zicam & sambucol when I start getting the sniffles. Both help with boosting the immune system, and don't have nasty side effects.

To help with congestion, I do extra neti treatments. It helps with swelling and gets rid of the gunk up in your head. It doesn't have the same issues as most decongestants, and the best part is you can do it as often as you need to.

The other thing I do is drink tea. Yogi tea makes a great cold season sampler, which is delicious and healing.

I'm just glad to not feel as cruddy as I used to feel, without the medicine show.

Unpretty

I go through the ebb and flow of feeling pretty and not so pretty in the course of my existence. There isn’t any one particular thing that makes me feel prettier than others. I know I have some outfits that I feel like a rock star in, and then there are others that I feel like crawling under a rock and hiding.


For most of my life, I relied on others to provide me feedback on whether or not I was pretty. I let them guide me in how I felt about myself. I wish I could say I came about the realization that was pretty dumb years ago, but I actually came to it Christmas Eve. My son and I were cuddled up together, and we were talking about the excitement of the next day. We had put out reindeer food, so they wouldn’t be hungry on the long journey and he wrote a letter, apologizing to Santa for the really pathetic pancake like cookies (bad baking soda). He was leaning up next to me on the couch and we were just snuggling before bed, and he looked up at me and said I was pretty.

Bam!

That’s all the confirmation I needed. See, my son is autistic, and one of the beauties/curses of autism is the inability to lie. If he isn’t feeling it, he isn’t feeling it. So, when he said I was pretty, he meant it.

While it was someone else telling me that I was pretty, it was also like my conscious speaking to me. A conscious that I have been working hard to develop and expand upon, that I have struggled with accepting the limitations of, and learning to be. One of the wonderful side effects of this is being more in touch with my body and mind than I have in years. My post operative pain was intense, but I think it was because I could actually FEEL it for the first time in a long time. I can feel the stiffness in my back when I wake up in the morning equally as I feel it dissipate as the morning wears on. I am getting in touch with my hunger and thirst symptoms and learning to tell the difference therein.

I started meditating years ago, and it is as time has gone on my practice has waxed and waned.

It seems as my practice follows where I am in terms of body acceptance and peace. The more accepting I am of myself, the more I seem to meditate. In those dark corners of vacillating between starving myself and bingeing to “control” the weight, I am also not freeing my mind. My meditation practice is closely intertwined with my spiritual discipline; in fact, they are one and the same. It does matter if I am chanting “om shanti, shanti om” or “veni, creator spiritus” or saying the rosary (and yes, Episcopalians do pray it)its communication with a higher power and being vulnerable.

The union of self acceptance and spiritual practice really isn’t all that surprising. As you become more enlightened, some of the little things pass by the wayside. You don’t sweat the small stuff as much. There is that sense of Zen. I am not kidding when you feel like you are one with the universe.

My intention is to start off the new year with the intention of spending a few moments each day in silent meditation. To just be with the universe, and just be. Veni, creator spiritus, veni.

Rouge et Noir

I love the color combination of red and black together. I don't know why, I just find it sexy and mysterious, and when I wear the right outfit (as seen here: http://mommydomchronicles.blogspot.com/2011/10/monsters-ate-my-red-2.html?m=1) I feel like I'm supermom.

It makes it even sweeter to know that red is the Big Man's favorite color.

I love to crochet. My aunt taught me as a child, and have continued to do so ever since. As an adult, its become more of a meditation for me than a craft. Silently counting the stitches in a row does more than repeating any mantra (except maybe om shanti shanti om or praying the rosary).

Snow has started to gently fall on the northern plains. The lights are twinkling on the Christmas tree. Peppermint hot cocoa and marshmallows swirl about in my snowflake mug. It's time to think about making scarves.

One of my favorite yarns to work with is eyelash. It's soft, comes in a range of colors and is affordable. I saw some red & black in a local craft store and just had to have.
So I got.
I crocheted.
I have a gorgeous scarf.


To make the scarf you need:
Size j crochet hook
1 skein eyelash yarn
Time

Chain 8, with 2 turning chains
Half double crochet 8 back (2 TC)
Continue until you finish the skein.
Wear proudly.

You can make it wider, chaining 10 in place of the 8.

Open Your Heart

I've always had a bit of a new age bent, which comes from years of reading, practicing yoga and hanging out with new agey types. Being artistic adds to it as well, because you are more open to things.
I've got friends that are into holistic healing. One is reiki practitioner who I take yoga with. She is my voice of reason many times when I just feel blah or angry and don't know why.
I've been living with my stress level on 11 lately, and it's not conducive to being at peace and finding my bliss in life.
She thinks I've got at least one blocked chakra. For those unfamiliar, the concept of chakras comes from Indian philosophy. There are 7 energy centers throughout your body. Each are responsible for controlling emotions, physical responses and over all well being.
In her experience, she thinks that my heart chakra is blocked. This is the chakra related to unconditional love, emotions such as love, anger and frustration; physical body such as shoulders, lungs, heart, arms and hands.
When it is unbalanced, it can result in depression, emotional issues, prolonged grief and anger as well as manifest itself into physical pain. Apparently, having tightness in your upper back (which is a chronic issue for me) is a manifestation of a blocked heart chakra.
The most important thing You could do to make this situation better is to let go of bitterness and anger. You have to forgive. Period. Holding onto those negative feelings will kill you. You will turn into a bitter, nasty, shriveled up person. I'm not saying to forget, but you have to let it go. In Christian perspective, it's forgiving 70x7. You have to let it go.
When you forgive you stop letting someone else have power over you. I remember being so angry at various things in my life and holding onto that anger and bitterness. It was starting to consume me.
Right now I'm living in the midst of a whirlwind and I'm feeling those familiar issues of holding in feelings and anger. It's quite evident from my chronic back pain, my dysfunctional prayer life as well as my decline in both working out and my yoga practice. That is where I am right now and it's not a good place to be.
For the two months, I've been treading water and I've barely been succeeding. I need to cleanse the negative feelings. One way is via Ayurvedic cures: eating a lot of healing foods like spinach, kale, broccoli, etc. Drinking green tea helps. Luckily for me, I like all of the above. Practicing certain asanas also will help. Quite specifically camel, fish and cobra. Coincidentally those are the hardest for me right now.
Sharing compassion is also huge. Doing things to help others will open your heart.
The Buddhist metta meditation is also good start.
From http://healing.about.com/od/meditation/a/metta-practice.htm
Sit comfortably in a chair or cushion in a place you will not be disturbed for 15 minutes.
With your eyes open or closed, relax, breathe easily and comfortably. Feel your energy settle into your body, easily and comfortably.

Begin to pull your awareness into your heart area, and let your breathing arise from that area. See if certain words emerge from your heart that speaks to what you wish for most deeply for yourself. For example, "May I enjoy peace, may I enjoy good health, and abundance of love." Continue this way until you feel a sense of well being.

Now, visualize or imagine radiating outward in a series of concentric circles this well being for others you have a close intimacy with. For example, "May my husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, son, daughter enjoy good health, peace, and abundance of love." Continue radiating outward this well being for those in your circle until you feel complete. Then move this circle to those you know, and then those you do not know, and move the circle outward to your town, state, country and the entire world. Bring the practice to a conclusion when you feel complete with it.

Stuck On You

I have a yoga co-conspirator who also is a Reiki practitioner. Afterclass last weekend, we trolled the farmers market and had a chance to visit. Ialways enjoy talking to her because she is incredibly positive, no matter whatis going wrong in her world. Its something that I like to aspire to be like,but I am so far from it right now.

We had not seen each other since late spring, just due to busyness andall that jazz summer brings. I reckon I have gained over 40 lbs since the lasttime we hung out. To say she was shocked was an understatement. Believe me, Iwas shocked at how fast the weight came back.

But it did.
I had already decided to make positive changes, but were taking babysteps towards them. Limiting high fructose corn syrup is the big one. Eatingbetter. Exercising more. Drinking more water. The usual suspects…

She mentioned that I had stuck energy. I wasn’t making anyprogress towards healing, and it was so obvious to her. She and I had visitedabout the I word before, when she gave me a healing before I had surgery. Iwanted to hold out a little more hope…what rather did me in recently isthe fact that people who didn’t think they could ever get pregnant, did.I felt betrayed.

Since I was so fixated on the fact that I could not have children, mybody manifested itself where I looked pregnant. The hardest thing is eventhough I am the mom to two amazing children, deep down inside, I know they arenot mine. They don’t have my eyes or the Big Man’s smile or thoselittle things. I never felt them grow or kick inside me. I didn’t havethat joy of finding out I was going to give life to someone else. I didn’tdo the pregnant waddle. I didn’t get the joy of designing a nursery

 orpicking a name. The worst of it all, is I feel shame. Shame that I could notgive my husband the one thing most wives or even one night stands could do.

Shame that I was less of a woman to him.

Shame that made me feel less than attractive to him, shame that I wasn’ta whole woman.

I began to retreat inside myself, and that is never a good thing.
This is all stuck chi, apparently.

It needs to get unstuck.
So today, I release into the world all those baby dreams. I can’tgo back and change the past. I can do things to manifest a beautiful future,but what I really need to do is focus on the present.

Just for Now

Watch "Imogen Heap - "Just For Now"" on YouTube
Just for now, I can start things over.
I meditated tonight for 20 minutes, silently repeating "namaste". It helped clear my head big time. When I meditate, I feel so much better...yet my practice has basically disintegrated.
So, I went inside my head and came back out alive.
Meditating usually dredges up a bunch of emotions for me, which makes me want to actually not continue.
But that impedes progress, growth, forward movement.
Meditation makes me a better wife & mother. It allows me to relieve stress. It helps me to focus.
I had the same amount of time to do whatever tonight. However, since I took those 20 minutes I was more present & aware of things. I played with the dog & cat. I played with my son.
I felt like me again. At least, just for now.

Be Here Now

Watch "Ray LaMontagne - Be Here Now" on YouTube
I will admit that I am currently struggling. I will admit that my friends death has sent me reeling. When I am upset, I eat.
And that I have.
I'm feeling fat, bloated & sad. No amount of pita chips will change the fact that my friend is dead.
No more lunches together.
No more gossip.
No more heartfelt conversations.
No more moments like the above to relish & delight in.
It's basically kicked my butt.
Lately, a lot of things have been kicking my butt. I can't seem to get it together, wrap my head around life anymore. It's just been grueling. My house is a mess. I can't seem to rise above and get things done in the evenings. I basically collapsed on the sofa last night & did nothing.
Lord have mercy.
Most of my friends know that I am a yoga afficianado, and have been for a very long time, but I've never been able to deepen into poses or really move beyond where I am right now. Part of it was feeling foolish in class, being stuck in a bit of self centeredness, and not wanting to evolve.
But mainly because I don't want to face certain feelings & emotions. When I really meditate, it brings up emotions. Most of which I don't want to deal with, might I add. Going into certain asanas dredge up the same emotions. I don't want to deal with certain feelings, so I stuff them. It's just there isn't room to stuff them anymore.
They come out, one way or another. There is nothing worse than getting into something in class & busting out into tears.
Yes, its happened to me.
One of the truths most major religions ask of their followers is to be present, to be here now. It's also one of the hardest things for me to do.